As I spoke in http://learningasanart.blogspot.com/2012/04/how-many-thoughts-are-you-made-up-of.html
I believe that the mind is made up of thought trees. I brought this up in a post at HighExistence and many responded, a few replied with what they thought was more appropriate: A thought "web" where thoughts are more connected to everything, rather than in chain. I do believe this to be true, but let me explain what a possible structural representation may be like.
We have very strong, deep, "Root" or "Trunk" thoughts - those which everything else stem from, one of which I am sure is "Who am I?" (for most people). This thought branches out to "What do my parents want?" "What do I love", "What am I capable of (Am I smart? Am I strong?)" etc...
But contrary to what would appear to be the case, thoughts arise from events in our daily lives, and get transferred to the very outer branches. These outer branches are much more specific like "Should I buy this for $5?" This branch thought is webbed to many thoughts, like "My friend just bought one" or "I could really use one" - these pseudological calculations are webbed to our event-induced thoughts. They are usually not important thoughts, and in eastern cultures such as buddhism, these "web" thoughts are the monkey brain - usually very little is accomplished with these thoughts, unless we can find solid proof of a logical need like "Oh its actually Tuesday and this item is free on Tuesdays".
But where does the tree structure come in?
The tree structure would come in on how you perceive the 5 dollars and the item of interest. If you believe 5 dollars is something to be considered, then this is going down towards the base of the trunk, here you believe that spending 5 dollars isn't important. Going further down the trunk you may think of how big your paycheck is, and what possibilities that gives you. Further down you may think of how your job presents yourself - (is it an elite class job? 5$ shouldn't be anything!). Even further down you may think that you believe that you should be able to take whatever you want.
So, you see, the branches on which events "land" (per-se) are governed by your tree structure.
Had you, for instance, grown a tree with branches that ask questions like "Is this 5 dollars spent going to really make me happier?" or "Is this item of quality?" your trunk may be "What really makes me happy?" "How can I get the most out of life?"
So you see, the trees you plant are incredibly important to who you are (well - they are who you appear to be!).
The next blog will need some considerable thought. I will be contemplating how to cut and grow trees, and how difficult it truly is.
Friday, April 13, 2012
Thursday, April 12, 2012
How many thoughts are you made up of?
Hey learners.
I've found this topic to be extremely interesting. How many thoughts do you think you have a day? Different thoughts, about different things? Probably thousands, right? We wonder about all kinds of things, from the present to the past to the future, constantly questioning.
These questions often bring anxiety, depression, or feelings of victimization "Why does this always happen to me!" Well it doesn't really, although your mind constructs it in such a way as though it seems to be that way.
But that isn't what this post is about. What I'm going to get into here is we're actually really only a few core thoughts. A handful of thoughts govern all our questions. I will use the following image as an example of what I mean:
I've found this topic to be extremely interesting. How many thoughts do you think you have a day? Different thoughts, about different things? Probably thousands, right? We wonder about all kinds of things, from the present to the past to the future, constantly questioning.
These questions often bring anxiety, depression, or feelings of victimization "Why does this always happen to me!" Well it doesn't really, although your mind constructs it in such a way as though it seems to be that way.
But that isn't what this post is about. What I'm going to get into here is we're actually really only a few core thoughts. A handful of thoughts govern all our questions. I will use the following image as an example of what I mean:
[Sorry for the crudeness, I made this in paint in about 25 seconds]
My thinking is, is that all of our thoughts actually stem from actions we have in the world, and then digress into a major "branch" of our logic tree. I personally do not know what the major branch point is, or whether there are many individual trees, so this is just an example. The reason I bring this post up is because although I have found that often, an individual is very complex, my own though structures are incredibly basic, when viewed from this perspective. I often think of only a few things in my life:
1. Questions of personal life; Am I happy? Am I being fulfilled? Am I making others happy?
2. More existential questions, such as; What is "God"? What is consciousness? What is reality? Am I sane? (Hehe)
3. Technical questions; What career do I want? What should I learn today/tomorrow? What is beneficial for me to read?
4. Anxious questions: Does this person like me? Is this alright to wear? Why don't I talk more? Why can't I be like him/her?
The questions of type 1 all fit under the question of "Who am I?", much like the picture above, while numbers 2-4 would probably fit under another thought-tree.
So, what good is knowing this? To be honest I've really not the slightest clue yet! But, I will be back with more. I hope you can relate, and feel free to let me know your thoughts if you agree or disagree.
Tuesday, April 10, 2012
Extreme emotions
Have you ever felt connected to everything?
Have you ever felt that your life was small, tiny, a fragment of everything's existence?
Have you ever seen your life from a bird's eye view?
I'm guessing most people have. We always see something extremely emotional - whether it be how beautiful our life is, or how terrible. But these emotions are short lived, usually no more than an hour (if soberly-derived...). Yet, most of us don't change after these, most of us act as if "wow that was crazy..." (back to work!).
Why?
Don't you ever see those movies where the person drops everything their doing, quits their job, sells their house, does exactly what they would like to? We grab that feeling (the empathy within us [See my post " A day in the life"]) for a short bit, we leave the movie theater feeling hopeful for our lives or questioning whether we're on the right path. These extreme emotions could launch us into the ideal life. It could launch us into extreme, beneficial change, improvement, evolution.
But it dissipates. Why? Why do we regress? Why do we give into societys' norms, crumbling back into the cubicle, the manual labor, we don't sell the house, we don't travel, we don't explore the world.
As I write this the feeling rises like the tide in my gut. Slowly I, too, realize I am not at my full potential. I have a future, I have plans, goals, but they aren't what I wanted when I was 5 (a pure, although immature, perspective on life). I want to build a greenhouse. I'd like to travel the world. I'd like to live for a few months in the Yukon, the Amazon. I'd like to sky dive. I'd like to write my names on the walls of all the great cities. I'd like to invent. I'd like to solve, to create. I'd like to help.
Why do we 'settle' with our lives.
If you read this, I beg you. Do exactly what you want. Feed these emotions. Strive, build, think, learn.
Be who you are.
Have you ever felt that your life was small, tiny, a fragment of everything's existence?
Have you ever seen your life from a bird's eye view?
I'm guessing most people have. We always see something extremely emotional - whether it be how beautiful our life is, or how terrible. But these emotions are short lived, usually no more than an hour (if soberly-derived...). Yet, most of us don't change after these, most of us act as if "wow that was crazy..." (back to work!).
Why?
Don't you ever see those movies where the person drops everything their doing, quits their job, sells their house, does exactly what they would like to? We grab that feeling (the empathy within us [See my post " A day in the life"]) for a short bit, we leave the movie theater feeling hopeful for our lives or questioning whether we're on the right path. These extreme emotions could launch us into the ideal life. It could launch us into extreme, beneficial change, improvement, evolution.
But it dissipates. Why? Why do we regress? Why do we give into societys' norms, crumbling back into the cubicle, the manual labor, we don't sell the house, we don't travel, we don't explore the world.
As I write this the feeling rises like the tide in my gut. Slowly I, too, realize I am not at my full potential. I have a future, I have plans, goals, but they aren't what I wanted when I was 5 (a pure, although immature, perspective on life). I want to build a greenhouse. I'd like to travel the world. I'd like to live for a few months in the Yukon, the Amazon. I'd like to sky dive. I'd like to write my names on the walls of all the great cities. I'd like to invent. I'd like to solve, to create. I'd like to help.
Why do we 'settle' with our lives.
If you read this, I beg you. Do exactly what you want. Feed these emotions. Strive, build, think, learn.
Be who you are.
Wednesday, April 4, 2012
Evolution: The fitness landscape
Since I often read/hear incorrect perceptions of evolution which
often causes people to misunderstand it. Giving evolution a goal, or an
end result is a quick way to misunderstanding.
A very good way to think of evolution is “fitness peaks”. The best way of explaining this is that an organism (or a cell, or a protein, or even a molecule) has a certain amount of fitness in its environment. As a change occurs in the organism or structure, the placement on the fitness :landscape: will change. Imagine a plain, stretching out forever, and in this plain there are small bumps, hills, and a few mountains. Each of these hills and mountains represents a relatively higher amount of fitness compared to the flat plain. In an environment of water, an organism with fins will be at a hill or mountain, where as an organism with stumpy legs will probably be in a valley.
Evolution is driven, remember, by mutations, and mutations, in most aspects, are random. They are caused by radiation, and environmental influences, and sometimes simply just happen due to chance. Since this is random, we can imagine that our organisms, while undergoing certain mutations bounce and skip around this landscape. Sometimes they will go down hill, sometimes they will go up hill, but the ones that are uphill will usually have offspring that are close to the hill, and thus hills will most likely always be populated. However, once in a while, an organism can live in a valley (although perhaps difficult), but from the valley, new hills and mountains can be reached. And so evolution progresses. Humans, with brains, thumbs, eyes, ears, nose, and mouth (amongst other amazing features) are on a mountain. A very, very high mountain.
The thing with these fitness landscapes, however, is that the environment creates hills and valleys. So what was once a mountain (fins in an ocean) can turn into a valley, if say a lake dries up. Fitness landscapes also change in the predator-prey (and subsequently parasite/host + synergistic relationships). A cougar that suddenly gains great night vision will cause the deer’s relative hill to become a valley.
To make evolution more difficult, some organism mutate faster than others (for various reasons, some unexplainable). This puts a whole new spin on evolution – there is the possibility to gain the ability to change (subsequently evolve) more often – this can also cause a fitness landscape to be volatile, creating scenarios where there are no mountains or deep gullies, but nearly all foreseeable changes do little in the way of evolution.
I hope this helps understand evolution a bit more.
Real evolution has no end, no goal. The fact that we see “survival of the fittest” does not mean that changes in the genome tend to be more beneficial to organisms, statistically speaking, I’ll assume that it is quite the opposite.
At any rate, please view evolution objectively. There is no “line” of evolution – there is no thing that evolution tends to go to. Rather, it is survival, which is correlated, but not connected, that has a tendency to choose directions.
[[This post was slightly off the main vibe of my site, but it is one of my pet-peeves.]] Have fun out there!
A very good way to think of evolution is “fitness peaks”. The best way of explaining this is that an organism (or a cell, or a protein, or even a molecule) has a certain amount of fitness in its environment. As a change occurs in the organism or structure, the placement on the fitness :landscape: will change. Imagine a plain, stretching out forever, and in this plain there are small bumps, hills, and a few mountains. Each of these hills and mountains represents a relatively higher amount of fitness compared to the flat plain. In an environment of water, an organism with fins will be at a hill or mountain, where as an organism with stumpy legs will probably be in a valley.
Evolution is driven, remember, by mutations, and mutations, in most aspects, are random. They are caused by radiation, and environmental influences, and sometimes simply just happen due to chance. Since this is random, we can imagine that our organisms, while undergoing certain mutations bounce and skip around this landscape. Sometimes they will go down hill, sometimes they will go up hill, but the ones that are uphill will usually have offspring that are close to the hill, and thus hills will most likely always be populated. However, once in a while, an organism can live in a valley (although perhaps difficult), but from the valley, new hills and mountains can be reached. And so evolution progresses. Humans, with brains, thumbs, eyes, ears, nose, and mouth (amongst other amazing features) are on a mountain. A very, very high mountain.
The thing with these fitness landscapes, however, is that the environment creates hills and valleys. So what was once a mountain (fins in an ocean) can turn into a valley, if say a lake dries up. Fitness landscapes also change in the predator-prey (and subsequently parasite/host + synergistic relationships). A cougar that suddenly gains great night vision will cause the deer’s relative hill to become a valley.
To make evolution more difficult, some organism mutate faster than others (for various reasons, some unexplainable). This puts a whole new spin on evolution – there is the possibility to gain the ability to change (subsequently evolve) more often – this can also cause a fitness landscape to be volatile, creating scenarios where there are no mountains or deep gullies, but nearly all foreseeable changes do little in the way of evolution.
I hope this helps understand evolution a bit more.
Real evolution has no end, no goal. The fact that we see “survival of the fittest” does not mean that changes in the genome tend to be more beneficial to organisms, statistically speaking, I’ll assume that it is quite the opposite.
At any rate, please view evolution objectively. There is no “line” of evolution – there is no thing that evolution tends to go to. Rather, it is survival, which is correlated, but not connected, that has a tendency to choose directions.
[[This post was slightly off the main vibe of my site, but it is one of my pet-peeves.]] Have fun out there!
Sunday, April 1, 2012
The Urban Shaman
I'm a shaman. I'm not afraid to say that, for any of the various reasons one could be.
I've tripped only a handful of times and have really learned little after my first experience, but I have learned. The first experience was as much of a opening of new doors as would be getting sucked through a high pressure hole inside out. It was not comforting :).
But what I have learned was incredibly valuable. On my way down to the darkest abyss one can experience, I climbed my way to the top again. Remembering every foot hold and pathway I took. I've been able to go back and forth from complete desolation of the soul and mind, to euphoria, and with such an ability have used to to "save" some people. I've had a handful of people email me, responding to various messages, about the words I've put out, that "saved their life".
Due to the fact that this happens, and probably will continue to happen, I never outright condone the use of psychedelics. I know their intensity, and I know the fragility of some perspectives of reality, and mixing the two can have catastrophic effects. People must show a great deal of understanding, education, and self-improvement, which is incredibly important when dealing with these substances - with an intent of spirituality, or at least something beyond "Getting high" and laughing at colors.
I've been able to help only because I have been there. I know the steps one needs to take, rather than the leaps that one wants to take (or others impose). The road from an intense, bad trip, can be a terrifying experience, with a rewarding ending.
Beyond that, however, I have realized a special ability that comes and goes - the ability to see sickness. While I was on a very low dose of ayahuasca I was able to see what was ailing people. For weeks after wards my ability to give back massages was incredibly rewarding, and actually very psychologically stimulating (as I could literally "See" the pain).
This ability to see sickness, is what I believe a true shaman holds. It is a learned trait, not something born into. It is not genetic (I don't think), so I'd hope others may be able to gain this as well.
Shamans of the brazilian rainforest are known for their ability to "see" parasites and sickness long before the conscious mind sees symptoms. Often times, weeks before one would normally go into the hospital. This is not some magical trait, or some divine information - this is simply an extremely acute sense of non-verbal communication. Our brains are extremely similar across the globe, the make up, the neurology, even the psychology - we all have very relate able (conserved) portions of the brain. A shaman knows these like the back of his or her hand, and can see when these portions are acting odd.
The stomach may seem loose, the eyes may be slightly drooped. The shoulders sunken, and heavy. The steps may be rigid, or unbalanced. Our minds adapt quickly to pain & suffering, so many times we may not even know we are in pain at all! Yet to the trained eye, all ailments become highlighted like neon-signs. Curing, is something I do not understand, and have much to learn about. Much has to do with placebo (sorry, I'd like another word) and much has to do with things beyond my understanding. Often the shaman will go into the forest, and plants will "speak" to him or her, presenting themselves for the healing process. Here the shaman takes plants which he knows to be familiar, but really has no understanding of medicinal action, and cures.
I hope to one day obtain this kind of hospitality, this ability to heal, cure, and help beyond some internet-arm-chair-psychology.
I've tripped only a handful of times and have really learned little after my first experience, but I have learned. The first experience was as much of a opening of new doors as would be getting sucked through a high pressure hole inside out. It was not comforting :).
But what I have learned was incredibly valuable. On my way down to the darkest abyss one can experience, I climbed my way to the top again. Remembering every foot hold and pathway I took. I've been able to go back and forth from complete desolation of the soul and mind, to euphoria, and with such an ability have used to to "save" some people. I've had a handful of people email me, responding to various messages, about the words I've put out, that "saved their life".
Due to the fact that this happens, and probably will continue to happen, I never outright condone the use of psychedelics. I know their intensity, and I know the fragility of some perspectives of reality, and mixing the two can have catastrophic effects. People must show a great deal of understanding, education, and self-improvement, which is incredibly important when dealing with these substances - with an intent of spirituality, or at least something beyond "Getting high" and laughing at colors.
I've been able to help only because I have been there. I know the steps one needs to take, rather than the leaps that one wants to take (or others impose). The road from an intense, bad trip, can be a terrifying experience, with a rewarding ending.
Beyond that, however, I have realized a special ability that comes and goes - the ability to see sickness. While I was on a very low dose of ayahuasca I was able to see what was ailing people. For weeks after wards my ability to give back massages was incredibly rewarding, and actually very psychologically stimulating (as I could literally "See" the pain).
This ability to see sickness, is what I believe a true shaman holds. It is a learned trait, not something born into. It is not genetic (I don't think), so I'd hope others may be able to gain this as well.
Shamans of the brazilian rainforest are known for their ability to "see" parasites and sickness long before the conscious mind sees symptoms. Often times, weeks before one would normally go into the hospital. This is not some magical trait, or some divine information - this is simply an extremely acute sense of non-verbal communication. Our brains are extremely similar across the globe, the make up, the neurology, even the psychology - we all have very relate able (conserved) portions of the brain. A shaman knows these like the back of his or her hand, and can see when these portions are acting odd.
The stomach may seem loose, the eyes may be slightly drooped. The shoulders sunken, and heavy. The steps may be rigid, or unbalanced. Our minds adapt quickly to pain & suffering, so many times we may not even know we are in pain at all! Yet to the trained eye, all ailments become highlighted like neon-signs. Curing, is something I do not understand, and have much to learn about. Much has to do with placebo (sorry, I'd like another word) and much has to do with things beyond my understanding. Often the shaman will go into the forest, and plants will "speak" to him or her, presenting themselves for the healing process. Here the shaman takes plants which he knows to be familiar, but really has no understanding of medicinal action, and cures.
I hope to one day obtain this kind of hospitality, this ability to heal, cure, and help beyond some internet-arm-chair-psychology.
Monday, March 26, 2012
2 Weeks of happy trials
Well Hello!
After completing 14 days of the happy trials I am glad to say this really does work. The effects are subtle, but over all I have gained positively from the experiment. The breakdown of what I did:
Every day when I woke up I would smile. With 2 days of exception, this would give me great joy and I would be happy for at least an hour without trying. As I drove to work, prepared the day, or arrived at work, things just seemed more beautiful, more captivating.
Nearly every day I went outside I was awe-struck at the beauty of the sky (even cloudy days!) and found myself nearly mystified by my surroundings. Some days I continued the smiling throughout the day, and would usually giggle or laugh a little to myself at how great I felt, and often, too! This caused me to be even more happy, and just was wonderful. Enjoying an hour or so of utter content with myself and where I was.
A few days I did not attempt to be happy on purpose but found it was nearly unavoidable. Friends seemed funnier, events seemed more intense/exciting. Dancing was easier, talking was smooth, there were no negative affects.
The two of the 14 days however, I got little or very bad sleep. I woke up and attempted to smile but it did nothing, no goodness came out of it, and merely felt like muscles in my mouth were moving (that was the extent). But these were towards the beginning of the experiment.
Today, I am not trying to be happy, but as soon as I think of any emotion, I trigger a memory of this study and all the happiness and joy attributed to it, and I cannot help but smile!
What a great day. I love everything :)
After completing 14 days of the happy trials I am glad to say this really does work. The effects are subtle, but over all I have gained positively from the experiment. The breakdown of what I did:
Every day when I woke up I would smile. With 2 days of exception, this would give me great joy and I would be happy for at least an hour without trying. As I drove to work, prepared the day, or arrived at work, things just seemed more beautiful, more captivating.
Nearly every day I went outside I was awe-struck at the beauty of the sky (even cloudy days!) and found myself nearly mystified by my surroundings. Some days I continued the smiling throughout the day, and would usually giggle or laugh a little to myself at how great I felt, and often, too! This caused me to be even more happy, and just was wonderful. Enjoying an hour or so of utter content with myself and where I was.
A few days I did not attempt to be happy on purpose but found it was nearly unavoidable. Friends seemed funnier, events seemed more intense/exciting. Dancing was easier, talking was smooth, there were no negative affects.
The two of the 14 days however, I got little or very bad sleep. I woke up and attempted to smile but it did nothing, no goodness came out of it, and merely felt like muscles in my mouth were moving (that was the extent). But these were towards the beginning of the experiment.
Today, I am not trying to be happy, but as soon as I think of any emotion, I trigger a memory of this study and all the happiness and joy attributed to it, and I cannot help but smile!
What a great day. I love everything :)
Wednesday, March 21, 2012
Psychodelic Info - DMT
Due to a great post by Jordan at http://www.highexistence.com/discussions/topic/my-best-explanation-of-shrooms-lsd-to-a-non-user/ I will take the topic of DMT as well.
(Why is this here? When I have taken psychodelics, I have had strong motivational improvements overall, as well as a diminishing in my anxiety. I have felt clear-headed and clarvoyant for weeks if not months after taking psychodelics, and they often stimulate learning as well. It is scientifically proven that psilocybin induces both neurogensis and synaptogensis!)
What is DMT?
-DMT is a naturally occuring compound in many plants as well as in humans. The function in humans is unknown and debateable but has been thought to control Near-death-experiences, dreams, and other extreme senses. Its chemical structure is similar to Psilocybin and serotonin. It is also reportedly the strongest hallucinogen (not by dose, but by intensity obtainable).
The experience:
The experience is very quick when DMT is inhaled by vaporization, and lasts around 15 minutes. The first sensations are often an overwhelming weakness of the body, and a struggle to stay standing or sitting up, and a need to lie down. Your vision usually will either begin to tremble, or massive amounts of kaleidoscope images will begin to appear, ever increasing in their intensity. The visuals will morph around the 45 second mark into actual hallucinations – images of people, creatures, or structures will appear. The shapes will at first seem abstract, but can become increasingly real. These will last for approximately 6 minutes, followed by a weakening in intensity, and a revelation that you are actually in your room (or wherever you started) and that the trip wasn’t taking place in reality. The visuals will last for a while and usually look like crystals or veins with extravagent colors.
The feelings:
As with psilocybin, any feeling you encounter will be incredibly intense. I often think of DMT as the “awe” drug, because every time I have taken it, I have been awe-struck by beauty and the sheer vastness it creates. Any emotion you feel can be amplified, from sheer terror to utter bliss, and visuals to match.
The perspective:
The difference between psilocybin and DMT is that psilocybin is much slower. It builds and builds and the slight changes that constantly occur in your awareness of reality allow you to truly understand what is happening. DMT on the other hand blasts far beyond psilocybin’s perspectives and in a fraction of the time, often giving the user forgetfulness of the events that took place, or the revelations that s/he had. Often, however, the user is shown (analogy owed to Jordan) the play in which we are all actors, but exactly what is controlling it. DMT, in my experience, often explains what is truly behind human kind, and how we think, why we think, and what exactly reality is. The problem, of course, is the intensity and duration of the trip. It is incredibly hard to comprehend what is shown to you in the very limited amount of time.
Since DMT is so short here are the only precautions you need:
1. Never do DMT when you are anxious, stressed, or depressed. If you get nervous before doing it, ease your mind, you will thank yourself! Many people meditate before taking this substance.
2. Set your mind up for happiness, trust me, its rewarding.
3. Since the duration is so short, a sitter is not always necessary, but make sure that you are not somewhere where you can knock things over, or where if you lay down something may spill, catch fire, or any other dangerous scenario.
Here are some trip reports (Ranging from Euphoria to Terror – its always benefitial to see both sides, right?):
Me- After a 5 minute calming of meditation, I think about love and warmth, and how I would greatly enjoy a trip with such emotions. I inhale and lay down, a slight warming in my stomach materializes. Suddenly I am rained down on by hearts and pink and purple rays. I am cuddled, and held in the bosom of life, like a baby and his mother. I cannot hold back laughter of sheer joy. A tunnel appears in front of me, and oddly a marijuana bud appears (I don’t smoke marijuana often). I have no idea why it appears, but it is incredibly benign.
Me – After discussing with a friend, he decides he would like to do it with me, if I do it first. After an appreciation for the substance (mentally preparing myself) I inhale. I lay down, and suddenly everything becomes alive. All things have veins and arteries, pumping neon light everywhere. I am connected to all things by these vessicles of life. I am catapulted into the thought of how society influences all of us. I stare at all the materials in his apartment and my clothes and start laughing at how silly all these purchases are. I stand up, still very intoxicated, and begin pacing the room, laughing histarically at how stupid we all are! I couldn’t believe I had ever bought name brand clothing, or some stylish sheets for my bed, or any trinkets to put in my house. All of my influences seem so ridiculous. I slowly come down, and the real revelations disappear. I feel very confident in myself.
A friend – Takes an inhale in his room. His dog appears through the door, and says to him “I know you’ve taken DMT. I’ve alerted the police.” My friend responds “You’re my best bud and you’re doing this to me? Why?” but his words come out as garbbled noise, and he realizes he can’t talk because he is so high. Two policemen come inside and ask him to slowly get off the bed when he is sober so they can arrest him. He nods his head and attempts to ride out the high, waiting for his arrest. As the high wears off, he realizes he is actually face down in his pillow. He tosses himself upwards and sees nobody in his room, his dog in the far end of the house.
A friend – An inhale while sitting on a porch outside. He is launched into interstellar space. Floating, unaware of anything. A man who looks much like mythical zeus, and the size of trillions of galaxies in length approaches him. He grabs his face, rips it off and stretches it to the end of the universe. The diety winds up and starts to throw the face back onto my friends head but right before my friend’s face is to be reunited with his body, the god explains: “Never come back here”, an astronomical clapping sound occurs and my friend is dumped back into reality, sober as a clam, sitting on the porch.
(Why is this here? When I have taken psychodelics, I have had strong motivational improvements overall, as well as a diminishing in my anxiety. I have felt clear-headed and clarvoyant for weeks if not months after taking psychodelics, and they often stimulate learning as well. It is scientifically proven that psilocybin induces both neurogensis and synaptogensis!)
What is DMT?
-DMT is a naturally occuring compound in many plants as well as in humans. The function in humans is unknown and debateable but has been thought to control Near-death-experiences, dreams, and other extreme senses. Its chemical structure is similar to Psilocybin and serotonin. It is also reportedly the strongest hallucinogen (not by dose, but by intensity obtainable).
The experience:
The experience is very quick when DMT is inhaled by vaporization, and lasts around 15 minutes. The first sensations are often an overwhelming weakness of the body, and a struggle to stay standing or sitting up, and a need to lie down. Your vision usually will either begin to tremble, or massive amounts of kaleidoscope images will begin to appear, ever increasing in their intensity. The visuals will morph around the 45 second mark into actual hallucinations – images of people, creatures, or structures will appear. The shapes will at first seem abstract, but can become increasingly real. These will last for approximately 6 minutes, followed by a weakening in intensity, and a revelation that you are actually in your room (or wherever you started) and that the trip wasn’t taking place in reality. The visuals will last for a while and usually look like crystals or veins with extravagent colors.
The feelings:
As with psilocybin, any feeling you encounter will be incredibly intense. I often think of DMT as the “awe” drug, because every time I have taken it, I have been awe-struck by beauty and the sheer vastness it creates. Any emotion you feel can be amplified, from sheer terror to utter bliss, and visuals to match.
The perspective:
The difference between psilocybin and DMT is that psilocybin is much slower. It builds and builds and the slight changes that constantly occur in your awareness of reality allow you to truly understand what is happening. DMT on the other hand blasts far beyond psilocybin’s perspectives and in a fraction of the time, often giving the user forgetfulness of the events that took place, or the revelations that s/he had. Often, however, the user is shown (analogy owed to Jordan) the play in which we are all actors, but exactly what is controlling it. DMT, in my experience, often explains what is truly behind human kind, and how we think, why we think, and what exactly reality is. The problem, of course, is the intensity and duration of the trip. It is incredibly hard to comprehend what is shown to you in the very limited amount of time.
Since DMT is so short here are the only precautions you need:
1. Never do DMT when you are anxious, stressed, or depressed. If you get nervous before doing it, ease your mind, you will thank yourself! Many people meditate before taking this substance.
2. Set your mind up for happiness, trust me, its rewarding.
3. Since the duration is so short, a sitter is not always necessary, but make sure that you are not somewhere where you can knock things over, or where if you lay down something may spill, catch fire, or any other dangerous scenario.
Here are some trip reports (Ranging from Euphoria to Terror – its always benefitial to see both sides, right?):
Me- After a 5 minute calming of meditation, I think about love and warmth, and how I would greatly enjoy a trip with such emotions. I inhale and lay down, a slight warming in my stomach materializes. Suddenly I am rained down on by hearts and pink and purple rays. I am cuddled, and held in the bosom of life, like a baby and his mother. I cannot hold back laughter of sheer joy. A tunnel appears in front of me, and oddly a marijuana bud appears (I don’t smoke marijuana often). I have no idea why it appears, but it is incredibly benign.
Me – After discussing with a friend, he decides he would like to do it with me, if I do it first. After an appreciation for the substance (mentally preparing myself) I inhale. I lay down, and suddenly everything becomes alive. All things have veins and arteries, pumping neon light everywhere. I am connected to all things by these vessicles of life. I am catapulted into the thought of how society influences all of us. I stare at all the materials in his apartment and my clothes and start laughing at how silly all these purchases are. I stand up, still very intoxicated, and begin pacing the room, laughing histarically at how stupid we all are! I couldn’t believe I had ever bought name brand clothing, or some stylish sheets for my bed, or any trinkets to put in my house. All of my influences seem so ridiculous. I slowly come down, and the real revelations disappear. I feel very confident in myself.
A friend – Takes an inhale in his room. His dog appears through the door, and says to him “I know you’ve taken DMT. I’ve alerted the police.” My friend responds “You’re my best bud and you’re doing this to me? Why?” but his words come out as garbbled noise, and he realizes he can’t talk because he is so high. Two policemen come inside and ask him to slowly get off the bed when he is sober so they can arrest him. He nods his head and attempts to ride out the high, waiting for his arrest. As the high wears off, he realizes he is actually face down in his pillow. He tosses himself upwards and sees nobody in his room, his dog in the far end of the house.
A friend – An inhale while sitting on a porch outside. He is launched into interstellar space. Floating, unaware of anything. A man who looks much like mythical zeus, and the size of trillions of galaxies in length approaches him. He grabs his face, rips it off and stretches it to the end of the universe. The diety winds up and starts to throw the face back onto my friends head but right before my friend’s face is to be reunited with his body, the god explains: “Never come back here”, an astronomical clapping sound occurs and my friend is dumped back into reality, sober as a clam, sitting on the porch.
Monday, March 19, 2012
Learning to Create (Creativity) in the Arts
Creativity is an enigma to most of us, we believe some people posess it while others are unlucky and were simply born without it. In essence - many of us believe that creativity is somehow randomly dispersed through populations. This is simply not the case. Most of our minds are very similar when we are born, the majority of our brains are chemically similar as well as structurally. We learn creativity as we age - it is an acquired trait! And don't let anyone convince you otherwise.
Many artists will openly state that their inspiration comes from an external place, that they have been chosen to channel their artwork through their mind and conceive it with their media. Some even claim divine inspiration, that their work is the product of God's divine creativity. Although these people may in fact believe this, they do not realize that they are in fact heavily influenced by their favorite artists, or in fact, by their surroundings.
An informative quote;
-Pablo Picasso
The truth behind creativity is actually a summation of all that you find appealing, transformed by your evolved perception of the world. It is precisely your experiences throughout life that are at the basis of what you create with your inherent creativity. Not all people enjoy sunset oil paintings, and not all people care for black and white photography. The amount of art out there is incredibly large, and the ever expanding volume of different medias used and the inclusion of digital art has spread creativity far and wide. Often, one will see some art and say "I could never do that." or "How did they even come up with that?" under the assumption that these people are the sole reasons for their art to exist.
Pablo Picasso (for he is often referred to as one of the most original) himself knew his influences; George Braque, Paul Cezanne, and (importantly) Pablo's father also pursued art, setting the stage for an immersive creative familial influence.
Dali, one of the most notable surreal artists, gained influence from Americana art, fused with influences from Picasso and Joan Miro and others. Their production of almost other-worldly pieces is quite the opposite; they are products of their environment, their access to influences and inspiration, and a sheer dedication to advance their skills as artists.
No doubt if you've found my site you are a worth internet-ninja, with a curiosity and great intelligence. We are all intelligent, beyond smart, yet we are often subjected (subconsciously or not) to the idea of the exact opposite. Do not let your inability to understand anything limit your ability to understand something else. All things are capable for you to learn, but ambition, motivation, and inspiration are key.
Many artists will openly state that their inspiration comes from an external place, that they have been chosen to channel their artwork through their mind and conceive it with their media. Some even claim divine inspiration, that their work is the product of God's divine creativity. Although these people may in fact believe this, they do not realize that they are in fact heavily influenced by their favorite artists, or in fact, by their surroundings.
An informative quote;
Bad artists copy. Good artists steal.
-Pablo Picasso
The truth behind creativity is actually a summation of all that you find appealing, transformed by your evolved perception of the world. It is precisely your experiences throughout life that are at the basis of what you create with your inherent creativity. Not all people enjoy sunset oil paintings, and not all people care for black and white photography. The amount of art out there is incredibly large, and the ever expanding volume of different medias used and the inclusion of digital art has spread creativity far and wide. Often, one will see some art and say "I could never do that." or "How did they even come up with that?" under the assumption that these people are the sole reasons for their art to exist.
Pablo Picasso (for he is often referred to as one of the most original) himself knew his influences; George Braque, Paul Cezanne, and (importantly) Pablo's father also pursued art, setting the stage for an immersive creative familial influence.
Dali, one of the most notable surreal artists, gained influence from Americana art, fused with influences from Picasso and Joan Miro and others. Their production of almost other-worldly pieces is quite the opposite; they are products of their environment, their access to influences and inspiration, and a sheer dedication to advance their skills as artists.
No doubt if you've found my site you are a worth internet-ninja, with a curiosity and great intelligence. We are all intelligent, beyond smart, yet we are often subjected (subconsciously or not) to the idea of the exact opposite. Do not let your inability to understand anything limit your ability to understand something else. All things are capable for you to learn, but ambition, motivation, and inspiration are key.
Sunday, March 18, 2012
Happy Trials, Day 3, 4 & 5
Heya - Sorry for slow update, I was with family.
Day 3-
I slept very little this night, and found sleep to be a crucial component of the happiness trials. I woke in a groggy, foggy mess and attempting my morning smile was met by conscious sarcasm. It took very much forcing to get the smile on my face. On my daily route to work I kept trying to remain positive, but the tiredness was over powering, and the grin would fade within a few seconds and I would find myself blankly staring at the road. During the work day I felt as if I perhaps had pushed myself too far the day before, and that this was in fact a by product of too much happiness. I decided, however, that it wasn't and was simply due to my lack of sleep. The day went very slowly, and little was to be celebrated. It seems it rubbed off on my boss as well, and we both had a somewhat unproductive and uninteresting day. Finally, coming home I was able to crank out a bit more euphoria. I had a solid few minutes of warmth and happiness, but quickly found my pillow to start the next day.
Day 4- Not motivated in the least. Although I slept much better, I felt again as if I may be forcing this too much. As the day progressed, I did find myself receiving small artifacts from my experiment. Whenever I thought of ANYTHING about negative or positive emotion, my mind quickly remembered the trials and I found myself smiling and enjoying the positive feedback I had created. "Maybe there is something to this after all!" ran across my mind many times. Although not blissfully or euphorically manic, I was most certainly rewarded by my new found experience perhaps hourly. Over all I had benefited on this day, but still found the general happiness in all things to be a bit forced.
Day 5- Artifacts of the experiment continue to stream in during my daily life. I was driving and thought of a depressing scenario (can't remember what) but instantly the thought of something sad made me consider other thoughts to make me happy. I found that it was incredibly easy to transition myself from a bad mood or sad thoughts into a good general well-being. During the day I had often forgot about the experiment and was more focused on being with friends and family, and am planning to continue this experiment through this coming week.
I will update again on the happy trials one week from today, with some other posts to come in between.
Good luck, have fun, and feel free to contact me!
Day 3-
I slept very little this night, and found sleep to be a crucial component of the happiness trials. I woke in a groggy, foggy mess and attempting my morning smile was met by conscious sarcasm. It took very much forcing to get the smile on my face. On my daily route to work I kept trying to remain positive, but the tiredness was over powering, and the grin would fade within a few seconds and I would find myself blankly staring at the road. During the work day I felt as if I perhaps had pushed myself too far the day before, and that this was in fact a by product of too much happiness. I decided, however, that it wasn't and was simply due to my lack of sleep. The day went very slowly, and little was to be celebrated. It seems it rubbed off on my boss as well, and we both had a somewhat unproductive and uninteresting day. Finally, coming home I was able to crank out a bit more euphoria. I had a solid few minutes of warmth and happiness, but quickly found my pillow to start the next day.
Day 4- Not motivated in the least. Although I slept much better, I felt again as if I may be forcing this too much. As the day progressed, I did find myself receiving small artifacts from my experiment. Whenever I thought of ANYTHING about negative or positive emotion, my mind quickly remembered the trials and I found myself smiling and enjoying the positive feedback I had created. "Maybe there is something to this after all!" ran across my mind many times. Although not blissfully or euphorically manic, I was most certainly rewarded by my new found experience perhaps hourly. Over all I had benefited on this day, but still found the general happiness in all things to be a bit forced.
Day 5- Artifacts of the experiment continue to stream in during my daily life. I was driving and thought of a depressing scenario (can't remember what) but instantly the thought of something sad made me consider other thoughts to make me happy. I found that it was incredibly easy to transition myself from a bad mood or sad thoughts into a good general well-being. During the day I had often forgot about the experiment and was more focused on being with friends and family, and am planning to continue this experiment through this coming week.
I will update again on the happy trials one week from today, with some other posts to come in between.
Good luck, have fun, and feel free to contact me!
Thursday, March 15, 2012
Happy Trials; Day 2
HO MAN!
What a beautiful day.
I was a bit late in starting the trial today, it wasn't until I filled my bowl of cereal with milk that I smiled. But - boy oh boy! Driving in my car to work was sheer glory. I was nearly in tears I was so happy! Coincidence that I gained such happiness on the second day of the trials? Cannot say for sure, but I'm not complaining!
The glee I felt while driving was almost eerie in that it was so powerful. I felt reborn, almost transported from my body. I was staring at the sky, awe struck in the beauty. Quite indescribable. As I got out of the car, birds were chirping, flying about and loving the warm weather as much as I. A girl I saw on the way in was also smiling, amplifying my own. I was soon trying to hold in giggles and teeth-filled grins as I walked to my desk. As I sat down the entire experiment became removed from my mind, and it took me nearly 5 minutes to realize what this chair, computer, and cubicle have done to me. I found it very difficult to break a smile while in here, but it was possible.
At the moment, I feel very content, with subtle feelings of relaxation and warmth. The warm feeling is great, and not sure where it comes from, but golly is it joyous. The feeling of being snuggled by a warm blanket held by a loved one on a cozy night.
I can hardly contain myself from producing all-caps letters spilling my love for everyone. Giggling in my cubicle may make me sound insane as well, especially while staring at a blank wall!! The image itself makes me laugh, a self fulfilling prophecy.
Hoho boy. I can't say for sure whether all of this is from the trials, but I know that a great portion of it is.
At night, though, it does die down, along with my energy. It becomes more of a difficulty to break a grin out than early morning or afternoon and is probably more detrimental - I become more aware of "forcing" the smile than anything. But I will continue it to the first dreams, until day 5, in which the real results will be shown.
Talk to you all soon,
Good luck, Have fun, Feel free to contact me!
What a beautiful day.
I was a bit late in starting the trial today, it wasn't until I filled my bowl of cereal with milk that I smiled. But - boy oh boy! Driving in my car to work was sheer glory. I was nearly in tears I was so happy! Coincidence that I gained such happiness on the second day of the trials? Cannot say for sure, but I'm not complaining!
The glee I felt while driving was almost eerie in that it was so powerful. I felt reborn, almost transported from my body. I was staring at the sky, awe struck in the beauty. Quite indescribable. As I got out of the car, birds were chirping, flying about and loving the warm weather as much as I. A girl I saw on the way in was also smiling, amplifying my own. I was soon trying to hold in giggles and teeth-filled grins as I walked to my desk. As I sat down the entire experiment became removed from my mind, and it took me nearly 5 minutes to realize what this chair, computer, and cubicle have done to me. I found it very difficult to break a smile while in here, but it was possible.
At the moment, I feel very content, with subtle feelings of relaxation and warmth. The warm feeling is great, and not sure where it comes from, but golly is it joyous. The feeling of being snuggled by a warm blanket held by a loved one on a cozy night.
I can hardly contain myself from producing all-caps letters spilling my love for everyone. Giggling in my cubicle may make me sound insane as well, especially while staring at a blank wall!! The image itself makes me laugh, a self fulfilling prophecy.
Hoho boy. I can't say for sure whether all of this is from the trials, but I know that a great portion of it is.
At night, though, it does die down, along with my energy. It becomes more of a difficulty to break a grin out than early morning or afternoon and is probably more detrimental - I become more aware of "forcing" the smile than anything. But I will continue it to the first dreams, until day 5, in which the real results will be shown.
Talk to you all soon,
Good luck, Have fun, Feel free to contact me!
Wednesday, March 14, 2012
Happy Trials: Day 1
Hello great friends and internet ninjas,
I am about half way through my first day of happy trials. So far it is very interesting indeed, but not as productive as I had hoped. I did not go into work today because I needed to go remove a ticket from my record (expired tabs, I'm a bad-ass).
During my trip to the court hearing office I was smiling most of the time and taking delight in the ride. The people on the bus were quite smiley too, as it is a beautiful day outside; sunny, warm, blue skies - lovely indeed. I couldn't help imagine what other people were thinking about as I saw their smiles come and go - who knows, maybe they were doing the same thing as I!
My attempts to see very small things, and take joy in the details is difficult for me. I'm not a very detailed person (except for my drawings), I'm more of an abstract-concept person, so taking joy in a small blade of grass just didn't seem like it was going to happen. However, long-ranging blue skies, birds chirping, and happy people sure set me up for an easy happy trial today!
As I entered the courthouse my spirits went null and I found it very difficult to find any pleasure in any of the people or the surroundings. People seemed to be frustrated, and my hearing officer did not want to make eye contact with me, which I thought was very odd indeed. I got my ticket dropped, though, but monetary gains aren't very invigorating to me - I'd rather have had the man shake my hand and give me a hug. It was definitely obvious, however, that blank walls, off-white buildings, and paved roads were very hard to appreciate for me. Perhaps I am too close to nature by nurture (see what I did there?) that I simply cannot take joy in cement and brick, or perhaps cement and pavement are inherently joyless, I have not pondered it and cannot say for certain. Needless to say, keeping a smile in an urban landscape with no friends, or actions to initiate it wasn't happening - but I was certainly not unhappy.
Coming home I decided to walk the 5 miles back. I enjoyed most of the way; I am a fan of graffiti and saw a very incredible placement of a "piece" get painted over (see: http://www.flickr.com/photos/59840111@N05/6980457713/in/photostream/lightbox/). I love graffiti, but the entire struggle of city versus vandal is incredibly interesting as well and personally believe it makes graffiti all the more worth while. But I digress - near to the graffiti is a large river, which I walked over, taking delight in the sun rays through the water. Seeing the bottom of the river bed was peculiar - I waited for a while to see if a fish would appear, but no such luck.
Coming home I have spent some time reading outside and bicycling around my neighborhood, nothing extraordinary and very little was needed to boost happiness. As I write this I can giggle a little - simply a small grin cascades into a large smile and a slight giggle escapes me.
The most interesting consequence so far, however, is whenever I think of any deep idea or philosophy, this topic of the happy trials manifests itself in my mind, and I find myself immediately smiling! An incredible delight to be reminded of over and over.
I have much, much more to do today and my update tomorrow will hopefully be just as, if not more, rewarding to you and me!
Good luck, have fun and feel free to contact me.
I am about half way through my first day of happy trials. So far it is very interesting indeed, but not as productive as I had hoped. I did not go into work today because I needed to go remove a ticket from my record (expired tabs, I'm a bad-ass).
During my trip to the court hearing office I was smiling most of the time and taking delight in the ride. The people on the bus were quite smiley too, as it is a beautiful day outside; sunny, warm, blue skies - lovely indeed. I couldn't help imagine what other people were thinking about as I saw their smiles come and go - who knows, maybe they were doing the same thing as I!
My attempts to see very small things, and take joy in the details is difficult for me. I'm not a very detailed person (except for my drawings), I'm more of an abstract-concept person, so taking joy in a small blade of grass just didn't seem like it was going to happen. However, long-ranging blue skies, birds chirping, and happy people sure set me up for an easy happy trial today!
As I entered the courthouse my spirits went null and I found it very difficult to find any pleasure in any of the people or the surroundings. People seemed to be frustrated, and my hearing officer did not want to make eye contact with me, which I thought was very odd indeed. I got my ticket dropped, though, but monetary gains aren't very invigorating to me - I'd rather have had the man shake my hand and give me a hug. It was definitely obvious, however, that blank walls, off-white buildings, and paved roads were very hard to appreciate for me. Perhaps I am too close to nature by nurture (see what I did there?) that I simply cannot take joy in cement and brick, or perhaps cement and pavement are inherently joyless, I have not pondered it and cannot say for certain. Needless to say, keeping a smile in an urban landscape with no friends, or actions to initiate it wasn't happening - but I was certainly not unhappy.
Coming home I decided to walk the 5 miles back. I enjoyed most of the way; I am a fan of graffiti and saw a very incredible placement of a "piece" get painted over (see: http://www.flickr.com/photos/59840111@N05/6980457713/in/photostream/lightbox/). I love graffiti, but the entire struggle of city versus vandal is incredibly interesting as well and personally believe it makes graffiti all the more worth while. But I digress - near to the graffiti is a large river, which I walked over, taking delight in the sun rays through the water. Seeing the bottom of the river bed was peculiar - I waited for a while to see if a fish would appear, but no such luck.
Coming home I have spent some time reading outside and bicycling around my neighborhood, nothing extraordinary and very little was needed to boost happiness. As I write this I can giggle a little - simply a small grin cascades into a large smile and a slight giggle escapes me.
The most interesting consequence so far, however, is whenever I think of any deep idea or philosophy, this topic of the happy trials manifests itself in my mind, and I find myself immediately smiling! An incredible delight to be reminded of over and over.
I have much, much more to do today and my update tomorrow will hopefully be just as, if not more, rewarding to you and me!
Good luck, have fun and feel free to contact me.
Tuesday, March 13, 2012
Newest Experiment: "The Happy Trials"
As I may have hinted, I enjoy psychological experimentation quite a bit. It is a learning event that really encompasses everything that we are. Learning how we think almost seems like a paradox at time - the mind examining the mind - but none-the-less it can be quite telling of who we are as a species, and as an entity.
I have done various experiments throughout the years, most concerning how I view things, and bettering myself, especially examining my abilities to over come obstacles (anxiety, depression, panic & fear - see http://learningasanart.blogspot.com/2012/03/psychology-of-panic-attacks.html for panic & anxiety, more to come on depression and fear later!).
This next one will not necessarily be for self-improvement but simply for the learning aspect. I will be waking up every day and purposefully putting a smile on my face. Although I dread the sound of my alarm, as soon as I wake, I will greet the day with a grin the size of a watermelon, dress myself with happy thoughts, and seize the day like nobodie's ever seized something before! The experiment will consist of 3-4 days of the wake-n-smile, a consistent thinking of good thoughts, and a general enjoyment of nearly every moment.
Some feedback I've gotten from another site has already proven true; the mind is a balancing act in some respects, and being happy 24/7 every waking moment of your life is arguably impossible, although being consitently content with yourself, I believe, is achievable. It is also difficult to make yourself happy - it seems counter intuitive; that happiness can just be synthesize by a smile and a good thought, but it is a very real possibility - try it right now, put a smile on your face! See? Makes you want to smile even more! The biggest problem I face is how I have already tied these ideas to smiling (doh!) now every time I smile I think about the counter-part which is self-defeating, but we will see how this goes.
The idea came to me the other day while I was at work. I was walking down the isle to my cubicle (I know... I know!) and I stared at my felt wall or whatever you'd like to call it - the fuzzy partitions. I don't very much care for them, but don't give them much thought. But something happened, randomly and I became very happy with this peice of melted and molded plastic that surrounded me. I felt very nice, very content. I wondered why, and if everything could be like this, could I enjoy anything I chose? Well of course, but somethings are harder then others (you won't catch me enjoying a baby seal hunt any time soon).
The very end result of this will be for a psychonautic analysis. Will being happy for an entire straight day increase my happiness in the coming days, or will it be a draining event? For the 3-4 day build up, it will ultimately be for the 5th day that I see whether the phrase "What goes up must come down" holds true for the mind's embrace on happiness.
Since this is a shorter post I will end it with a poem;
What goes up must come down,
And down may be a frown-
But eyes hold true,
To the upward blue,
And happiness can be held.
The open days,
Of love-filled rays,
That bask,
And bathe the skin;
Are true rewards,
Of realized lore,
And attempts to
Renew.
Have fun! Good luck! Feel free to contact me.
I have done various experiments throughout the years, most concerning how I view things, and bettering myself, especially examining my abilities to over come obstacles (anxiety, depression, panic & fear - see http://learningasanart.blogspot.com/2012/03/psychology-of-panic-attacks.html for panic & anxiety, more to come on depression and fear later!).
This next one will not necessarily be for self-improvement but simply for the learning aspect. I will be waking up every day and purposefully putting a smile on my face. Although I dread the sound of my alarm, as soon as I wake, I will greet the day with a grin the size of a watermelon, dress myself with happy thoughts, and seize the day like nobodie's ever seized something before! The experiment will consist of 3-4 days of the wake-n-smile, a consistent thinking of good thoughts, and a general enjoyment of nearly every moment.
Some feedback I've gotten from another site has already proven true; the mind is a balancing act in some respects, and being happy 24/7 every waking moment of your life is arguably impossible, although being consitently content with yourself, I believe, is achievable. It is also difficult to make yourself happy - it seems counter intuitive; that happiness can just be synthesize by a smile and a good thought, but it is a very real possibility - try it right now, put a smile on your face! See? Makes you want to smile even more! The biggest problem I face is how I have already tied these ideas to smiling (doh!) now every time I smile I think about the counter-part which is self-defeating, but we will see how this goes.
The idea came to me the other day while I was at work. I was walking down the isle to my cubicle (I know... I know!) and I stared at my felt wall or whatever you'd like to call it - the fuzzy partitions. I don't very much care for them, but don't give them much thought. But something happened, randomly and I became very happy with this peice of melted and molded plastic that surrounded me. I felt very nice, very content. I wondered why, and if everything could be like this, could I enjoy anything I chose? Well of course, but somethings are harder then others (you won't catch me enjoying a baby seal hunt any time soon).
The very end result of this will be for a psychonautic analysis. Will being happy for an entire straight day increase my happiness in the coming days, or will it be a draining event? For the 3-4 day build up, it will ultimately be for the 5th day that I see whether the phrase "What goes up must come down" holds true for the mind's embrace on happiness.
Since this is a shorter post I will end it with a poem;
What goes up must come down,
And down may be a frown-
But eyes hold true,
To the upward blue,
And happiness can be held.
The open days,
Of love-filled rays,
That bask,
And bathe the skin;
Are true rewards,
Of realized lore,
And attempts to
Renew.
Have fun! Good luck! Feel free to contact me.
Monday, March 12, 2012
A Day in the Life
Happy Monday to you all!
Being an introvert, I often analyze myself to a great degree. I want to take this post to show you how to improve yourself, become more aware of your body and mind, as well as a general improvement of your level of empathy.
Empathy is a very interesting feeling, nearly indescribable, but it is the feeling of "seeing" and being someone else, or something else. Animal rights activists usually would state that have a great deal of empathy, even for another species. The idea of empathy is somewhat difficult to decipher - are we placing ourselves in their shoes, or are we literally experiencing their place in existance? (I don't mean some kind of spiritual-mind-swapping, simply the difference of our interpretation of their feelings, or are we literally taking up their feelings?) I believe it makes the most sense to assume the prior, but at any rate, it is an important attribue, and some psychologists and neurologists believe to be the newest evolution of the brain (while others say it is inherent in primates).
The first oncoming of empathy is at a very young age, and as my girlfriend was nice enough to explain, psychologists believe it happens right around the point when children no longer want their parents to see them taking a bath or going potty. It is the realization that one's parents are people and have their own view-points that brings about this privacy issue (as well as society's clothing standard!). We gain empathy at a young age and most definitely it grows and learns as much as we do. It is a very profound feeling when you realize that all the people in the world are singular, carry their own consciousness, and live their lives based on that.
Enhancing your ability to use empathy for the benefit of yourself and others is a crucial development to becoming happy as well as secure about yourself and your life. Without empathy, your ability to judge social situations may suffer, and you may find yourself seeing some interesting consequences - including the diminishing of friends.
I had always had a great deal of empathy. I remember at one point in my life a man had been stabbed at school. His injuries were severe, but he was going to live. The empathetical view of the knife-wielder struck me, however. The man with the knife had never met the victim, and had no reason to knife him other than pure anger (at what? - who knows). Upon learning of the even I sat in class unable to concentrate ont he subject matter, but rather staring blankly, trying to understand the stabber's frame of mind. When I arrived at home I sat in the dark, somewhat distrubed by the event, but more so by the empathetical view of a violent man's perspective.
It was this great deal of empathy towards analyzing other's mind-sets that got me wondering what exactly I am like. I can see myself in the mirror, and I can see myself on camera, but this view of me is biased - I am always in my own mind's perspective. I came up with an idea - what I will call "Reverse empathy", which is the ability to see yourself through someone else's eyes. The idea is simple, but depends on your ability to "read" and empathize with other people - you basically must see your friends and social interactions as mirrors, that react in various ways to your actions. A constant empathizing with someone while staying within the social situation.
When I was about seventeen years old I "saw" myself for the first time. I was able to view myself unbiased from my own perspective, but what is best described as omnipotently. It is a very harsh and confronting realization to see exactly what you are! Most of all, my realization of how I act brought about a a rapid change in me. I was able to identify what other's saw as annoying, or perhaps even awkward behavior (I have been called "weird" all my life - with other versions of the word - "liquid" being my favorite.) As a quiet person, with a strong hint of sarcasm, the amount of behaviors I portrayed that were perhaps socially unacceptable were fairly common. At first this ability to view myself unbiased was a curse - I felt like I had been an idiot all my life, saying and doing things I now regretted, being a jerk, or most commonly, saying things that just didn't make sense.
As time went on, and the introspection didn't leave, I began to do it in nearly every social situation, with hefty confrontations! The disgust of my behavior soon gave way to rapid improvement and the ability to speak with more confidence and brilliance! Although I still do not enjoy public speaking, I was able to handle being President of a University club, tutor, and volunteer in social situations with great results - had I done this without new found reverse-empathy, it would be quite funny to watch.
SO! On to the important stuff - how do you do it, why do you want to do it, and how can you do it better?
The most important attribute is empathy, plain and simple. It is not something you can learn from reading an instruction manual but rather something that must be honed and discovered yourself! A certain study showed that a great deal of Americans do not have a good ability to empathize one's facial expressions, but confuse anger with depression, and sadness with confusion, etc. My advice to gain empathy is to simply watch a movie, and imagine the actors on set. Imagine what they are thinking while they act, rather than what they actually say (this is easy for bad actors, heh) - this will increase your awareness of another's consciousness beyond what is simply displayed. The next time you watch any TV show do the same, imagine you are on the set, being the actor, or the director, this is a great way to increase empathy. Pretty soon you will be able to distinguish actors from real emotions!
Once you have become comfortable with this, see if you can do it in social settings. Bars are great for trying to read people (sorry if I seem creepy at this point, I am a fly on the wall everywhere I go). The drunker a person is, the harder it is for them to hide true intentions. Picking up on pitch changes in voice, and word selection is a bit more difficult to learn and I'll leave that up to you - but it will ultimately increase your empathy even more.
Finally, the reverse empathy - the ability to see your "reflection" in another person. Once you have gained a good grasp on empathy, see if you can see how others perceive you. It is easier to do on new acquantainces (because you haven't formed intimate bonds and understandings - these will cloud true empathy amongst other emotions). You must first empathize with the person, understanding their outlook on things, followed by their reactions to your actions and words.
A small sample of things to look out for (for both empathy and reverse empathy):
Pitch and tone - The sound of a voice, and the pitch of certain phrases give away a lot.
•Overly happy/nice often means the person is more concerned with their appearance than having any interest in you, you won't get much out of them unless you dig (say something really off the wall) - this will get them to show a truer side of them.
Head space - How attentive are they? Do they make eye-contact? Is there any hand or head motions when they speak?
•Someone who seems distracted - looking at their phone or remaining silent and looking everywhere but you is an obvious sign of uninterest.
•Talking without hand motions usually shows lowered interest.
Word choice - This will be very hard to quantify, it will depend on the person and is up to you to identify!
•While in conversation, (these depend on the person, of course), long or weak "yeahs" will show the person actually does not agree or does not care. "Yeah" is the universal for "I want to be nice but you are boring me".
•A reply with "Yeah, I don't know" often means the person wants to say something, but is too uncomfortable to really say it, for a number of possible reasons.
•Using strong language (like cursing) when speaking about something will show the person is not thinking about you - but rather the subject matter. Good for empathy, bad for reverse empathy.
Facial cues - The final and most telling of all. I cannot explain them, as I myself can't seperate them out, but they are easily learned and picked up on. The better you become at picking up facial cues, the easier both empathy and reverse empathy will be.
And to keep this radically psychonautical - taking psychedelics after having learned new empathy will catapult your understanding of reading body language and facial expressions!
Good luck! Have fun!
Being an introvert, I often analyze myself to a great degree. I want to take this post to show you how to improve yourself, become more aware of your body and mind, as well as a general improvement of your level of empathy.
Empathy is a very interesting feeling, nearly indescribable, but it is the feeling of "seeing" and being someone else, or something else. Animal rights activists usually would state that have a great deal of empathy, even for another species. The idea of empathy is somewhat difficult to decipher - are we placing ourselves in their shoes, or are we literally experiencing their place in existance? (I don't mean some kind of spiritual-mind-swapping, simply the difference of our interpretation of their feelings, or are we literally taking up their feelings?) I believe it makes the most sense to assume the prior, but at any rate, it is an important attribue, and some psychologists and neurologists believe to be the newest evolution of the brain (while others say it is inherent in primates).
The first oncoming of empathy is at a very young age, and as my girlfriend was nice enough to explain, psychologists believe it happens right around the point when children no longer want their parents to see them taking a bath or going potty. It is the realization that one's parents are people and have their own view-points that brings about this privacy issue (as well as society's clothing standard!). We gain empathy at a young age and most definitely it grows and learns as much as we do. It is a very profound feeling when you realize that all the people in the world are singular, carry their own consciousness, and live their lives based on that.
Enhancing your ability to use empathy for the benefit of yourself and others is a crucial development to becoming happy as well as secure about yourself and your life. Without empathy, your ability to judge social situations may suffer, and you may find yourself seeing some interesting consequences - including the diminishing of friends.
I had always had a great deal of empathy. I remember at one point in my life a man had been stabbed at school. His injuries were severe, but he was going to live. The empathetical view of the knife-wielder struck me, however. The man with the knife had never met the victim, and had no reason to knife him other than pure anger (at what? - who knows). Upon learning of the even I sat in class unable to concentrate ont he subject matter, but rather staring blankly, trying to understand the stabber's frame of mind. When I arrived at home I sat in the dark, somewhat distrubed by the event, but more so by the empathetical view of a violent man's perspective.
It was this great deal of empathy towards analyzing other's mind-sets that got me wondering what exactly I am like. I can see myself in the mirror, and I can see myself on camera, but this view of me is biased - I am always in my own mind's perspective. I came up with an idea - what I will call "Reverse empathy", which is the ability to see yourself through someone else's eyes. The idea is simple, but depends on your ability to "read" and empathize with other people - you basically must see your friends and social interactions as mirrors, that react in various ways to your actions. A constant empathizing with someone while staying within the social situation.
When I was about seventeen years old I "saw" myself for the first time. I was able to view myself unbiased from my own perspective, but what is best described as omnipotently. It is a very harsh and confronting realization to see exactly what you are! Most of all, my realization of how I act brought about a a rapid change in me. I was able to identify what other's saw as annoying, or perhaps even awkward behavior (I have been called "weird" all my life - with other versions of the word - "liquid" being my favorite.) As a quiet person, with a strong hint of sarcasm, the amount of behaviors I portrayed that were perhaps socially unacceptable were fairly common. At first this ability to view myself unbiased was a curse - I felt like I had been an idiot all my life, saying and doing things I now regretted, being a jerk, or most commonly, saying things that just didn't make sense.
As time went on, and the introspection didn't leave, I began to do it in nearly every social situation, with hefty confrontations! The disgust of my behavior soon gave way to rapid improvement and the ability to speak with more confidence and brilliance! Although I still do not enjoy public speaking, I was able to handle being President of a University club, tutor, and volunteer in social situations with great results - had I done this without new found reverse-empathy, it would be quite funny to watch.
SO! On to the important stuff - how do you do it, why do you want to do it, and how can you do it better?
The most important attribute is empathy, plain and simple. It is not something you can learn from reading an instruction manual but rather something that must be honed and discovered yourself! A certain study showed that a great deal of Americans do not have a good ability to empathize one's facial expressions, but confuse anger with depression, and sadness with confusion, etc. My advice to gain empathy is to simply watch a movie, and imagine the actors on set. Imagine what they are thinking while they act, rather than what they actually say (this is easy for bad actors, heh) - this will increase your awareness of another's consciousness beyond what is simply displayed. The next time you watch any TV show do the same, imagine you are on the set, being the actor, or the director, this is a great way to increase empathy. Pretty soon you will be able to distinguish actors from real emotions!
Once you have become comfortable with this, see if you can do it in social settings. Bars are great for trying to read people (sorry if I seem creepy at this point, I am a fly on the wall everywhere I go). The drunker a person is, the harder it is for them to hide true intentions. Picking up on pitch changes in voice, and word selection is a bit more difficult to learn and I'll leave that up to you - but it will ultimately increase your empathy even more.
Finally, the reverse empathy - the ability to see your "reflection" in another person. Once you have gained a good grasp on empathy, see if you can see how others perceive you. It is easier to do on new acquantainces (because you haven't formed intimate bonds and understandings - these will cloud true empathy amongst other emotions). You must first empathize with the person, understanding their outlook on things, followed by their reactions to your actions and words.
A small sample of things to look out for (for both empathy and reverse empathy):
Pitch and tone - The sound of a voice, and the pitch of certain phrases give away a lot.
•Overly happy/nice often means the person is more concerned with their appearance than having any interest in you, you won't get much out of them unless you dig (say something really off the wall) - this will get them to show a truer side of them.
Head space - How attentive are they? Do they make eye-contact? Is there any hand or head motions when they speak?
•Someone who seems distracted - looking at their phone or remaining silent and looking everywhere but you is an obvious sign of uninterest.
•Talking without hand motions usually shows lowered interest.
Word choice - This will be very hard to quantify, it will depend on the person and is up to you to identify!
•While in conversation, (these depend on the person, of course), long or weak "yeahs" will show the person actually does not agree or does not care. "Yeah" is the universal for "I want to be nice but you are boring me".
•A reply with "Yeah, I don't know" often means the person wants to say something, but is too uncomfortable to really say it, for a number of possible reasons.
•Using strong language (like cursing) when speaking about something will show the person is not thinking about you - but rather the subject matter. Good for empathy, bad for reverse empathy.
Facial cues - The final and most telling of all. I cannot explain them, as I myself can't seperate them out, but they are easily learned and picked up on. The better you become at picking up facial cues, the easier both empathy and reverse empathy will be.
And to keep this radically psychonautical - taking psychedelics after having learned new empathy will catapult your understanding of reading body language and facial expressions!
Good luck! Have fun!
Saturday, March 10, 2012
The psychology of panic attacks
Hellllllllllllllllooooooo!
Here I want to discuss what I believe to be the source, propagation and cure for panic attacks and anxiety in general.
Panic attacks often materialize from what we can only imagine as spontaneously. We are going to work, watching TV or getting ready for bed, and suddenly a wash of anxiety pours over us. We may even been talking to someone when suddenly panic is unavoidable. If you've ever experienced something like this, it may be due to what I call "seed notions".
These seed notions are simply small fragmented thoughts that pass by quickly through our minds. They are deeply embedded memories of ideas, subjects, or perspectives that are really not enjoyable. Such things may be from the nightly news (please - if you watch the nightly news, stop!) as there are often murders, shootings, killings, deaths, etc plastered all over the media. There is a good quote: "The nightly news is usually started by 'good evening' and followed by exactly why it isn't." These seed notions may also be from painful past experiences, such as car accidents, or other traumatic experiences, or, as in my case, they may simply be from depressing thoughts.
It isn't trivial to erase memories, and thus most of us will carry some throughout our entire lives which we have rather never gained. They are there, and repressing them is never a good idea. But here is my explanation on how they play a role in panic attacks and anxiety in general:
The brain is a funny thing. If something is wrong, but unidentifiable, it will SEARCH for something to pinpoint what is wrong. Seed notions are a source of this searching. Here is an example of what I'm talking about:
Perhaps you were talking to a friend, when they mentioned they bought a new car, and "car" is inevitably tied to your "car" accident you had 4 years ago that was traumatic. Yet the idea and memory of your car accident may have gone by so quick you did not notice while talking on the phone - the seed notion has cascaded a negative effect on the mind. It may take a few seconds, or perhaps a few minutes before the negativity is felt, but here your mind, unable to identify what exactly caused the negative idea, will begin to search for what is wrong. You will end your conversation with your friend, hang up, and suddenly notice you are feeling anxious - "But why?" In your mind's inability to pin point what is wrong, the negativity will amplify, and you will find yourself quickly becoming consumed by anxiety - But nothing is wrong!
For years I was plagued by this, and could never find a cure. I attempted to suppress and ignore the feeling, with little effect. I attempted to counteract it - by smiling and thinking of happy thoughts also with little effect. I attempted to "accept" and embrace the anxiety, with some effect, but still not what I would call a cure. Then suddenly I had a glimpse of it. I was riding on a bus, listening to a song on my iPod. The song was tied to an experience I had a few years ago that caused me great stress, but quickly the bus made a wrong turn and I became distracted. I forgot about the stressful incident and became fixated on my current predicament on the bus. The bus corrected itself (well, the driver did) and I sat back in my seat - but a great dealing of grief rushed over me. It took a few seconds before I could identify the problem, and hence my idea of seed notions was born.
Ever since that day, when a sense of panic comes over me, I take a step back and distance myself from the emotion. I retrace my mind's steps a few minutes back and see if anything I have thought of caused the anxiety - and with 100% accuracy I have found a seed notion.
What this does is it allows the mind to work efficiently in identifying the problem. Without knowing what is wrong, the mind will inevitably amplify a feeling of fear until the notion is resolved or we feel safe (Which, in the worst cases can end in the hospital!).
I suggest to you, too, that if you have anxiety or panic attacks, please practice this.
Here is another helpful tip to reduce the amount of anxiety in the day:
Take some time every day to worry about all of your unknowns and problems. Set aside 15 minutes each day to dwell on things. People in northern Europe centuries ago would do this. It was called the brooding time. The women of the household would stay at home for 30 minutes or an hour every day and simply "brood" - thinking about how awful things are or the how awful their lives are (SHEESH!) and then get on with things after that.
The mind must be balanced - if you do not do it yourself, consciously, there can be some nasty side-effects.
Have fun, good luck, and feel free to contact me!
Here I want to discuss what I believe to be the source, propagation and cure for panic attacks and anxiety in general.
Panic attacks often materialize from what we can only imagine as spontaneously. We are going to work, watching TV or getting ready for bed, and suddenly a wash of anxiety pours over us. We may even been talking to someone when suddenly panic is unavoidable. If you've ever experienced something like this, it may be due to what I call "seed notions".
These seed notions are simply small fragmented thoughts that pass by quickly through our minds. They are deeply embedded memories of ideas, subjects, or perspectives that are really not enjoyable. Such things may be from the nightly news (please - if you watch the nightly news, stop!) as there are often murders, shootings, killings, deaths, etc plastered all over the media. There is a good quote: "The nightly news is usually started by 'good evening' and followed by exactly why it isn't." These seed notions may also be from painful past experiences, such as car accidents, or other traumatic experiences, or, as in my case, they may simply be from depressing thoughts.
It isn't trivial to erase memories, and thus most of us will carry some throughout our entire lives which we have rather never gained. They are there, and repressing them is never a good idea. But here is my explanation on how they play a role in panic attacks and anxiety in general:
The brain is a funny thing. If something is wrong, but unidentifiable, it will SEARCH for something to pinpoint what is wrong. Seed notions are a source of this searching. Here is an example of what I'm talking about:
Perhaps you were talking to a friend, when they mentioned they bought a new car, and "car" is inevitably tied to your "car" accident you had 4 years ago that was traumatic. Yet the idea and memory of your car accident may have gone by so quick you did not notice while talking on the phone - the seed notion has cascaded a negative effect on the mind. It may take a few seconds, or perhaps a few minutes before the negativity is felt, but here your mind, unable to identify what exactly caused the negative idea, will begin to search for what is wrong. You will end your conversation with your friend, hang up, and suddenly notice you are feeling anxious - "But why?" In your mind's inability to pin point what is wrong, the negativity will amplify, and you will find yourself quickly becoming consumed by anxiety - But nothing is wrong!
For years I was plagued by this, and could never find a cure. I attempted to suppress and ignore the feeling, with little effect. I attempted to counteract it - by smiling and thinking of happy thoughts also with little effect. I attempted to "accept" and embrace the anxiety, with some effect, but still not what I would call a cure. Then suddenly I had a glimpse of it. I was riding on a bus, listening to a song on my iPod. The song was tied to an experience I had a few years ago that caused me great stress, but quickly the bus made a wrong turn and I became distracted. I forgot about the stressful incident and became fixated on my current predicament on the bus. The bus corrected itself (well, the driver did) and I sat back in my seat - but a great dealing of grief rushed over me. It took a few seconds before I could identify the problem, and hence my idea of seed notions was born.
Ever since that day, when a sense of panic comes over me, I take a step back and distance myself from the emotion. I retrace my mind's steps a few minutes back and see if anything I have thought of caused the anxiety - and with 100% accuracy I have found a seed notion.
What this does is it allows the mind to work efficiently in identifying the problem. Without knowing what is wrong, the mind will inevitably amplify a feeling of fear until the notion is resolved or we feel safe (Which, in the worst cases can end in the hospital!).
I suggest to you, too, that if you have anxiety or panic attacks, please practice this.
Here is another helpful tip to reduce the amount of anxiety in the day:
Take some time every day to worry about all of your unknowns and problems. Set aside 15 minutes each day to dwell on things. People in northern Europe centuries ago would do this. It was called the brooding time. The women of the household would stay at home for 30 minutes or an hour every day and simply "brood" - thinking about how awful things are or the how awful their lives are (SHEESH!) and then get on with things after that.
The mind must be balanced - if you do not do it yourself, consciously, there can be some nasty side-effects.
Have fun, good luck, and feel free to contact me!
Genesis
Hello!
Welcome to "Learning as an Art" - My name is Jonathan Helander and this will be my absolutely 100% first blog post ever.
First I want to get myself & you acquainted with my blog. I am a psychonaut; that is I study the consciousness and subconsciousness of my every day life to an extreme degree, hence I feel the need to spread the word onto you, as well as save it for myself. I am fully committed to understanding how we think, why we think, and what exactly we think about. Of course, I am not a psychiatrist, nor does my educational background disguise myself as one - I am a chemist by training with a B.S. in Chemistry. Yet my true curiosity resides with the workings of the mind.
Here is some background to give you an idea of how I cam to be who I am which inevitably is the reason why you are reading this!
As a young child I was very fond of nature. I would play from dawn till dusk in the woods adjacent to my house. If I didn't have friends to play with I would create my own games, and as every young child exhibits a great imagination, I was no different. However, residing behind my normal childhood there was an increasingly growing urge to understand why I existed. "Why am I here" is one of the age-old questions most of face at one point or another. In my elementary school days, specifically 3rd through 6th grade, I became unsettled by painful emotions, sadness, and became slumped into what I would call a melancholy. I struggled nearly every night to get to bed as a sadness of pain crept over me, but as time went by I realized that being sad accomplished nothing about the wrongs that I had experienced, nor those that I was aware of across the globe and my pessimism vanished to pacifism. I became neither euphoric nor depressed, but attempted to gain an omnipotent view of my reality and existence!
Entering High school I became more concerned with my present life, philosophy and existential questions went to the back burner and soon I found myself incredibly interested in psychology and more or less unrelated, physics and biology. The teachers I had during my H.S. days were incredible, they opened my eyes to what I had never realized before - they broke down walls in my understanding and were able to thrust me into a phase of absolute learning. I became enthralled by chemistry, biology, and mathematics and set to understand some of the harder principles of physics like quantum mechanics and relativity. But, in my Junior year of high school I was introduced to psychedelics, specifically Psilocybin. It would be an event that would change my life for the better, but would take years for the realizations to crystallize into some type of meaningful form - but it was exactly this day that eventually lead to what I now am so proud of; my ability to understand psychology and sociology.
It is a clever saying that "Curiosity killed the cat", and that is one of the phrases that would enter my mind on a fateful night filled with pretty colors, dancing images, and profound revelations within my head. However, it was incredibly horrifying. Absolute terror coursed through my head for a solid six hours of time as I thought I was leaving reality never to return. "I will never be able to function again" was a common thought - and dread ebbed and flowed. The night progressed, and as I became more sober from the experience I realized I would be alright, and that everything was going to be just fine, but most of all the epiphanies were here to stay.
My experience did not end there. For the intense stress that the psychoactive had put on my mind would be carried over to use of THC and even caffeine (more on this later). No longer could I enjoy a morning coffee without entering a cyclical though process of whether or not I was truly sane or if reality even existed. Where exactly was my consciousness, and how could it be altered to such an extreme degree?
For nearly 2 years I dealt with weekly or even daily panic attacks, depression and anxiety. During my times of peace and happiness, however, I was able to understand that these feelings were separate from 'me'. An incredibly hard idea to describe, but paramount in my ability to come out of the event with a positive outlook: These attacks of anxiety were not actually created by my consciousness, but were fragments of my experience. Essentially my mind had created a defense mechanism (somewhat self-defeating!) on nearly any psychoactive substance. If my mind were to be altered by nearly anything, I would be placed back in the exact same head space that brought me such great terror and grief!
Not one to throw in the towel and simply ask a Doc for some medication, I began reading. A book that perhaps saved my functioning life was "The Brain that Changes Itself." Although not extremely analytical nor academic - the book enlightened me. The brain is essentially "plastic" - that is malleable - to events in our life. We have the ability to radically change our brain's chemistry and its neuronal connections. What was once thought of to be fearful can be made into euphoria (one of the harder changes to the mind, of course!) and vice-versa. I began to study my panic attacks and my anxiety and realized such a great deal of information about how I function I believe it to be helpful for others, which will ultimately be the reason for my blog posts.
I am now 22 years old, and enjoy my life immensely. I have expanded my creative abilities, increased my enjoyment of life, and ultimately found my true calling; the mind. Learning, knowledge, and creativity are the ultimate paths to greatness.
Welcome to "Learning as an Art" - My name is Jonathan Helander and this will be my absolutely 100% first blog post ever.
First I want to get myself & you acquainted with my blog. I am a psychonaut; that is I study the consciousness and subconsciousness of my every day life to an extreme degree, hence I feel the need to spread the word onto you, as well as save it for myself. I am fully committed to understanding how we think, why we think, and what exactly we think about. Of course, I am not a psychiatrist, nor does my educational background disguise myself as one - I am a chemist by training with a B.S. in Chemistry. Yet my true curiosity resides with the workings of the mind.
Here is some background to give you an idea of how I cam to be who I am which inevitably is the reason why you are reading this!
As a young child I was very fond of nature. I would play from dawn till dusk in the woods adjacent to my house. If I didn't have friends to play with I would create my own games, and as every young child exhibits a great imagination, I was no different. However, residing behind my normal childhood there was an increasingly growing urge to understand why I existed. "Why am I here" is one of the age-old questions most of face at one point or another. In my elementary school days, specifically 3rd through 6th grade, I became unsettled by painful emotions, sadness, and became slumped into what I would call a melancholy. I struggled nearly every night to get to bed as a sadness of pain crept over me, but as time went by I realized that being sad accomplished nothing about the wrongs that I had experienced, nor those that I was aware of across the globe and my pessimism vanished to pacifism. I became neither euphoric nor depressed, but attempted to gain an omnipotent view of my reality and existence!
Entering High school I became more concerned with my present life, philosophy and existential questions went to the back burner and soon I found myself incredibly interested in psychology and more or less unrelated, physics and biology. The teachers I had during my H.S. days were incredible, they opened my eyes to what I had never realized before - they broke down walls in my understanding and were able to thrust me into a phase of absolute learning. I became enthralled by chemistry, biology, and mathematics and set to understand some of the harder principles of physics like quantum mechanics and relativity. But, in my Junior year of high school I was introduced to psychedelics, specifically Psilocybin. It would be an event that would change my life for the better, but would take years for the realizations to crystallize into some type of meaningful form - but it was exactly this day that eventually lead to what I now am so proud of; my ability to understand psychology and sociology.
It is a clever saying that "Curiosity killed the cat", and that is one of the phrases that would enter my mind on a fateful night filled with pretty colors, dancing images, and profound revelations within my head. However, it was incredibly horrifying. Absolute terror coursed through my head for a solid six hours of time as I thought I was leaving reality never to return. "I will never be able to function again" was a common thought - and dread ebbed and flowed. The night progressed, and as I became more sober from the experience I realized I would be alright, and that everything was going to be just fine, but most of all the epiphanies were here to stay.
My experience did not end there. For the intense stress that the psychoactive had put on my mind would be carried over to use of THC and even caffeine (more on this later). No longer could I enjoy a morning coffee without entering a cyclical though process of whether or not I was truly sane or if reality even existed. Where exactly was my consciousness, and how could it be altered to such an extreme degree?
For nearly 2 years I dealt with weekly or even daily panic attacks, depression and anxiety. During my times of peace and happiness, however, I was able to understand that these feelings were separate from 'me'. An incredibly hard idea to describe, but paramount in my ability to come out of the event with a positive outlook: These attacks of anxiety were not actually created by my consciousness, but were fragments of my experience. Essentially my mind had created a defense mechanism (somewhat self-defeating!) on nearly any psychoactive substance. If my mind were to be altered by nearly anything, I would be placed back in the exact same head space that brought me such great terror and grief!
Not one to throw in the towel and simply ask a Doc for some medication, I began reading. A book that perhaps saved my functioning life was "The Brain that Changes Itself." Although not extremely analytical nor academic - the book enlightened me. The brain is essentially "plastic" - that is malleable - to events in our life. We have the ability to radically change our brain's chemistry and its neuronal connections. What was once thought of to be fearful can be made into euphoria (one of the harder changes to the mind, of course!) and vice-versa. I began to study my panic attacks and my anxiety and realized such a great deal of information about how I function I believe it to be helpful for others, which will ultimately be the reason for my blog posts.
I am now 22 years old, and enjoy my life immensely. I have expanded my creative abilities, increased my enjoyment of life, and ultimately found my true calling; the mind. Learning, knowledge, and creativity are the ultimate paths to greatness.
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