As I spoke in http://learningasanart.blogspot.com/2012/04/how-many-thoughts-are-you-made-up-of.html
I believe that the mind is made up of thought trees. I brought this up in a post at HighExistence and many responded, a few replied with what they thought was more appropriate: A thought "web" where thoughts are more connected to everything, rather than in chain. I do believe this to be true, but let me explain what a possible structural representation may be like.
We have very strong, deep, "Root" or "Trunk" thoughts - those which everything else stem from, one of which I am sure is "Who am I?" (for most people). This thought branches out to "What do my parents want?" "What do I love", "What am I capable of (Am I smart? Am I strong?)" etc...
But contrary to what would appear to be the case, thoughts arise from events in our daily lives, and get transferred to the very outer branches. These outer branches are much more specific like "Should I buy this for $5?" This branch thought is webbed to many thoughts, like "My friend just bought one" or "I could really use one" - these pseudological calculations are webbed to our event-induced thoughts. They are usually not important thoughts, and in eastern cultures such as buddhism, these "web" thoughts are the monkey brain - usually very little is accomplished with these thoughts, unless we can find solid proof of a logical need like "Oh its actually Tuesday and this item is free on Tuesdays".
But where does the tree structure come in?
The tree structure would come in on how you perceive the 5 dollars and the item of interest. If you believe 5 dollars is something to be considered, then this is going down towards the base of the trunk, here you believe that spending 5 dollars isn't important. Going further down the trunk you may think of how big your paycheck is, and what possibilities that gives you. Further down you may think of how your job presents yourself - (is it an elite class job? 5$ shouldn't be anything!). Even further down you may think that you believe that you should be able to take whatever you want.
So, you see, the branches on which events "land" (per-se) are governed by your tree structure.
Had you, for instance, grown a tree with branches that ask questions like "Is this 5 dollars spent going to really make me happier?" or "Is this item of quality?" your trunk may be "What really makes me happy?" "How can I get the most out of life?"
So you see, the trees you plant are incredibly important to who you are (well - they are who you appear to be!).
The next blog will need some considerable thought. I will be contemplating how to cut and grow trees, and how difficult it truly is.
Showing posts with label anxiety. Show all posts
Showing posts with label anxiety. Show all posts
Friday, April 13, 2012
Thursday, April 12, 2012
How many thoughts are you made up of?
Hey learners.
I've found this topic to be extremely interesting. How many thoughts do you think you have a day? Different thoughts, about different things? Probably thousands, right? We wonder about all kinds of things, from the present to the past to the future, constantly questioning.
These questions often bring anxiety, depression, or feelings of victimization "Why does this always happen to me!" Well it doesn't really, although your mind constructs it in such a way as though it seems to be that way.
But that isn't what this post is about. What I'm going to get into here is we're actually really only a few core thoughts. A handful of thoughts govern all our questions. I will use the following image as an example of what I mean:
I've found this topic to be extremely interesting. How many thoughts do you think you have a day? Different thoughts, about different things? Probably thousands, right? We wonder about all kinds of things, from the present to the past to the future, constantly questioning.
These questions often bring anxiety, depression, or feelings of victimization "Why does this always happen to me!" Well it doesn't really, although your mind constructs it in such a way as though it seems to be that way.
But that isn't what this post is about. What I'm going to get into here is we're actually really only a few core thoughts. A handful of thoughts govern all our questions. I will use the following image as an example of what I mean:
[Sorry for the crudeness, I made this in paint in about 25 seconds]
My thinking is, is that all of our thoughts actually stem from actions we have in the world, and then digress into a major "branch" of our logic tree. I personally do not know what the major branch point is, or whether there are many individual trees, so this is just an example. The reason I bring this post up is because although I have found that often, an individual is very complex, my own though structures are incredibly basic, when viewed from this perspective. I often think of only a few things in my life:
1. Questions of personal life; Am I happy? Am I being fulfilled? Am I making others happy?
2. More existential questions, such as; What is "God"? What is consciousness? What is reality? Am I sane? (Hehe)
3. Technical questions; What career do I want? What should I learn today/tomorrow? What is beneficial for me to read?
4. Anxious questions: Does this person like me? Is this alright to wear? Why don't I talk more? Why can't I be like him/her?
The questions of type 1 all fit under the question of "Who am I?", much like the picture above, while numbers 2-4 would probably fit under another thought-tree.
So, what good is knowing this? To be honest I've really not the slightest clue yet! But, I will be back with more. I hope you can relate, and feel free to let me know your thoughts if you agree or disagree.
Sunday, April 1, 2012
The Urban Shaman
I'm a shaman. I'm not afraid to say that, for any of the various reasons one could be.
I've tripped only a handful of times and have really learned little after my first experience, but I have learned. The first experience was as much of a opening of new doors as would be getting sucked through a high pressure hole inside out. It was not comforting :).
But what I have learned was incredibly valuable. On my way down to the darkest abyss one can experience, I climbed my way to the top again. Remembering every foot hold and pathway I took. I've been able to go back and forth from complete desolation of the soul and mind, to euphoria, and with such an ability have used to to "save" some people. I've had a handful of people email me, responding to various messages, about the words I've put out, that "saved their life".
Due to the fact that this happens, and probably will continue to happen, I never outright condone the use of psychedelics. I know their intensity, and I know the fragility of some perspectives of reality, and mixing the two can have catastrophic effects. People must show a great deal of understanding, education, and self-improvement, which is incredibly important when dealing with these substances - with an intent of spirituality, or at least something beyond "Getting high" and laughing at colors.
I've been able to help only because I have been there. I know the steps one needs to take, rather than the leaps that one wants to take (or others impose). The road from an intense, bad trip, can be a terrifying experience, with a rewarding ending.
Beyond that, however, I have realized a special ability that comes and goes - the ability to see sickness. While I was on a very low dose of ayahuasca I was able to see what was ailing people. For weeks after wards my ability to give back massages was incredibly rewarding, and actually very psychologically stimulating (as I could literally "See" the pain).
This ability to see sickness, is what I believe a true shaman holds. It is a learned trait, not something born into. It is not genetic (I don't think), so I'd hope others may be able to gain this as well.
Shamans of the brazilian rainforest are known for their ability to "see" parasites and sickness long before the conscious mind sees symptoms. Often times, weeks before one would normally go into the hospital. This is not some magical trait, or some divine information - this is simply an extremely acute sense of non-verbal communication. Our brains are extremely similar across the globe, the make up, the neurology, even the psychology - we all have very relate able (conserved) portions of the brain. A shaman knows these like the back of his or her hand, and can see when these portions are acting odd.
The stomach may seem loose, the eyes may be slightly drooped. The shoulders sunken, and heavy. The steps may be rigid, or unbalanced. Our minds adapt quickly to pain & suffering, so many times we may not even know we are in pain at all! Yet to the trained eye, all ailments become highlighted like neon-signs. Curing, is something I do not understand, and have much to learn about. Much has to do with placebo (sorry, I'd like another word) and much has to do with things beyond my understanding. Often the shaman will go into the forest, and plants will "speak" to him or her, presenting themselves for the healing process. Here the shaman takes plants which he knows to be familiar, but really has no understanding of medicinal action, and cures.
I hope to one day obtain this kind of hospitality, this ability to heal, cure, and help beyond some internet-arm-chair-psychology.
I've tripped only a handful of times and have really learned little after my first experience, but I have learned. The first experience was as much of a opening of new doors as would be getting sucked through a high pressure hole inside out. It was not comforting :).
But what I have learned was incredibly valuable. On my way down to the darkest abyss one can experience, I climbed my way to the top again. Remembering every foot hold and pathway I took. I've been able to go back and forth from complete desolation of the soul and mind, to euphoria, and with such an ability have used to to "save" some people. I've had a handful of people email me, responding to various messages, about the words I've put out, that "saved their life".
Due to the fact that this happens, and probably will continue to happen, I never outright condone the use of psychedelics. I know their intensity, and I know the fragility of some perspectives of reality, and mixing the two can have catastrophic effects. People must show a great deal of understanding, education, and self-improvement, which is incredibly important when dealing with these substances - with an intent of spirituality, or at least something beyond "Getting high" and laughing at colors.
I've been able to help only because I have been there. I know the steps one needs to take, rather than the leaps that one wants to take (or others impose). The road from an intense, bad trip, can be a terrifying experience, with a rewarding ending.
Beyond that, however, I have realized a special ability that comes and goes - the ability to see sickness. While I was on a very low dose of ayahuasca I was able to see what was ailing people. For weeks after wards my ability to give back massages was incredibly rewarding, and actually very psychologically stimulating (as I could literally "See" the pain).
This ability to see sickness, is what I believe a true shaman holds. It is a learned trait, not something born into. It is not genetic (I don't think), so I'd hope others may be able to gain this as well.
Shamans of the brazilian rainforest are known for their ability to "see" parasites and sickness long before the conscious mind sees symptoms. Often times, weeks before one would normally go into the hospital. This is not some magical trait, or some divine information - this is simply an extremely acute sense of non-verbal communication. Our brains are extremely similar across the globe, the make up, the neurology, even the psychology - we all have very relate able (conserved) portions of the brain. A shaman knows these like the back of his or her hand, and can see when these portions are acting odd.
The stomach may seem loose, the eyes may be slightly drooped. The shoulders sunken, and heavy. The steps may be rigid, or unbalanced. Our minds adapt quickly to pain & suffering, so many times we may not even know we are in pain at all! Yet to the trained eye, all ailments become highlighted like neon-signs. Curing, is something I do not understand, and have much to learn about. Much has to do with placebo (sorry, I'd like another word) and much has to do with things beyond my understanding. Often the shaman will go into the forest, and plants will "speak" to him or her, presenting themselves for the healing process. Here the shaman takes plants which he knows to be familiar, but really has no understanding of medicinal action, and cures.
I hope to one day obtain this kind of hospitality, this ability to heal, cure, and help beyond some internet-arm-chair-psychology.
Monday, March 26, 2012
2 Weeks of happy trials
Well Hello!
After completing 14 days of the happy trials I am glad to say this really does work. The effects are subtle, but over all I have gained positively from the experiment. The breakdown of what I did:
Every day when I woke up I would smile. With 2 days of exception, this would give me great joy and I would be happy for at least an hour without trying. As I drove to work, prepared the day, or arrived at work, things just seemed more beautiful, more captivating.
Nearly every day I went outside I was awe-struck at the beauty of the sky (even cloudy days!) and found myself nearly mystified by my surroundings. Some days I continued the smiling throughout the day, and would usually giggle or laugh a little to myself at how great I felt, and often, too! This caused me to be even more happy, and just was wonderful. Enjoying an hour or so of utter content with myself and where I was.
A few days I did not attempt to be happy on purpose but found it was nearly unavoidable. Friends seemed funnier, events seemed more intense/exciting. Dancing was easier, talking was smooth, there were no negative affects.
The two of the 14 days however, I got little or very bad sleep. I woke up and attempted to smile but it did nothing, no goodness came out of it, and merely felt like muscles in my mouth were moving (that was the extent). But these were towards the beginning of the experiment.
Today, I am not trying to be happy, but as soon as I think of any emotion, I trigger a memory of this study and all the happiness and joy attributed to it, and I cannot help but smile!
What a great day. I love everything :)
After completing 14 days of the happy trials I am glad to say this really does work. The effects are subtle, but over all I have gained positively from the experiment. The breakdown of what I did:
Every day when I woke up I would smile. With 2 days of exception, this would give me great joy and I would be happy for at least an hour without trying. As I drove to work, prepared the day, or arrived at work, things just seemed more beautiful, more captivating.
Nearly every day I went outside I was awe-struck at the beauty of the sky (even cloudy days!) and found myself nearly mystified by my surroundings. Some days I continued the smiling throughout the day, and would usually giggle or laugh a little to myself at how great I felt, and often, too! This caused me to be even more happy, and just was wonderful. Enjoying an hour or so of utter content with myself and where I was.
A few days I did not attempt to be happy on purpose but found it was nearly unavoidable. Friends seemed funnier, events seemed more intense/exciting. Dancing was easier, talking was smooth, there were no negative affects.
The two of the 14 days however, I got little or very bad sleep. I woke up and attempted to smile but it did nothing, no goodness came out of it, and merely felt like muscles in my mouth were moving (that was the extent). But these were towards the beginning of the experiment.
Today, I am not trying to be happy, but as soon as I think of any emotion, I trigger a memory of this study and all the happiness and joy attributed to it, and I cannot help but smile!
What a great day. I love everything :)
Sunday, March 18, 2012
Happy Trials, Day 3, 4 & 5
Heya - Sorry for slow update, I was with family.
Day 3-
I slept very little this night, and found sleep to be a crucial component of the happiness trials. I woke in a groggy, foggy mess and attempting my morning smile was met by conscious sarcasm. It took very much forcing to get the smile on my face. On my daily route to work I kept trying to remain positive, but the tiredness was over powering, and the grin would fade within a few seconds and I would find myself blankly staring at the road. During the work day I felt as if I perhaps had pushed myself too far the day before, and that this was in fact a by product of too much happiness. I decided, however, that it wasn't and was simply due to my lack of sleep. The day went very slowly, and little was to be celebrated. It seems it rubbed off on my boss as well, and we both had a somewhat unproductive and uninteresting day. Finally, coming home I was able to crank out a bit more euphoria. I had a solid few minutes of warmth and happiness, but quickly found my pillow to start the next day.
Day 4- Not motivated in the least. Although I slept much better, I felt again as if I may be forcing this too much. As the day progressed, I did find myself receiving small artifacts from my experiment. Whenever I thought of ANYTHING about negative or positive emotion, my mind quickly remembered the trials and I found myself smiling and enjoying the positive feedback I had created. "Maybe there is something to this after all!" ran across my mind many times. Although not blissfully or euphorically manic, I was most certainly rewarded by my new found experience perhaps hourly. Over all I had benefited on this day, but still found the general happiness in all things to be a bit forced.
Day 5- Artifacts of the experiment continue to stream in during my daily life. I was driving and thought of a depressing scenario (can't remember what) but instantly the thought of something sad made me consider other thoughts to make me happy. I found that it was incredibly easy to transition myself from a bad mood or sad thoughts into a good general well-being. During the day I had often forgot about the experiment and was more focused on being with friends and family, and am planning to continue this experiment through this coming week.
I will update again on the happy trials one week from today, with some other posts to come in between.
Good luck, have fun, and feel free to contact me!
Day 3-
I slept very little this night, and found sleep to be a crucial component of the happiness trials. I woke in a groggy, foggy mess and attempting my morning smile was met by conscious sarcasm. It took very much forcing to get the smile on my face. On my daily route to work I kept trying to remain positive, but the tiredness was over powering, and the grin would fade within a few seconds and I would find myself blankly staring at the road. During the work day I felt as if I perhaps had pushed myself too far the day before, and that this was in fact a by product of too much happiness. I decided, however, that it wasn't and was simply due to my lack of sleep. The day went very slowly, and little was to be celebrated. It seems it rubbed off on my boss as well, and we both had a somewhat unproductive and uninteresting day. Finally, coming home I was able to crank out a bit more euphoria. I had a solid few minutes of warmth and happiness, but quickly found my pillow to start the next day.
Day 4- Not motivated in the least. Although I slept much better, I felt again as if I may be forcing this too much. As the day progressed, I did find myself receiving small artifacts from my experiment. Whenever I thought of ANYTHING about negative or positive emotion, my mind quickly remembered the trials and I found myself smiling and enjoying the positive feedback I had created. "Maybe there is something to this after all!" ran across my mind many times. Although not blissfully or euphorically manic, I was most certainly rewarded by my new found experience perhaps hourly. Over all I had benefited on this day, but still found the general happiness in all things to be a bit forced.
Day 5- Artifacts of the experiment continue to stream in during my daily life. I was driving and thought of a depressing scenario (can't remember what) but instantly the thought of something sad made me consider other thoughts to make me happy. I found that it was incredibly easy to transition myself from a bad mood or sad thoughts into a good general well-being. During the day I had often forgot about the experiment and was more focused on being with friends and family, and am planning to continue this experiment through this coming week.
I will update again on the happy trials one week from today, with some other posts to come in between.
Good luck, have fun, and feel free to contact me!
Thursday, March 15, 2012
Happy Trials; Day 2
HO MAN!
What a beautiful day.
I was a bit late in starting the trial today, it wasn't until I filled my bowl of cereal with milk that I smiled. But - boy oh boy! Driving in my car to work was sheer glory. I was nearly in tears I was so happy! Coincidence that I gained such happiness on the second day of the trials? Cannot say for sure, but I'm not complaining!
The glee I felt while driving was almost eerie in that it was so powerful. I felt reborn, almost transported from my body. I was staring at the sky, awe struck in the beauty. Quite indescribable. As I got out of the car, birds were chirping, flying about and loving the warm weather as much as I. A girl I saw on the way in was also smiling, amplifying my own. I was soon trying to hold in giggles and teeth-filled grins as I walked to my desk. As I sat down the entire experiment became removed from my mind, and it took me nearly 5 minutes to realize what this chair, computer, and cubicle have done to me. I found it very difficult to break a smile while in here, but it was possible.
At the moment, I feel very content, with subtle feelings of relaxation and warmth. The warm feeling is great, and not sure where it comes from, but golly is it joyous. The feeling of being snuggled by a warm blanket held by a loved one on a cozy night.
I can hardly contain myself from producing all-caps letters spilling my love for everyone. Giggling in my cubicle may make me sound insane as well, especially while staring at a blank wall!! The image itself makes me laugh, a self fulfilling prophecy.
Hoho boy. I can't say for sure whether all of this is from the trials, but I know that a great portion of it is.
At night, though, it does die down, along with my energy. It becomes more of a difficulty to break a grin out than early morning or afternoon and is probably more detrimental - I become more aware of "forcing" the smile than anything. But I will continue it to the first dreams, until day 5, in which the real results will be shown.
Talk to you all soon,
Good luck, Have fun, Feel free to contact me!
What a beautiful day.
I was a bit late in starting the trial today, it wasn't until I filled my bowl of cereal with milk that I smiled. But - boy oh boy! Driving in my car to work was sheer glory. I was nearly in tears I was so happy! Coincidence that I gained such happiness on the second day of the trials? Cannot say for sure, but I'm not complaining!
The glee I felt while driving was almost eerie in that it was so powerful. I felt reborn, almost transported from my body. I was staring at the sky, awe struck in the beauty. Quite indescribable. As I got out of the car, birds were chirping, flying about and loving the warm weather as much as I. A girl I saw on the way in was also smiling, amplifying my own. I was soon trying to hold in giggles and teeth-filled grins as I walked to my desk. As I sat down the entire experiment became removed from my mind, and it took me nearly 5 minutes to realize what this chair, computer, and cubicle have done to me. I found it very difficult to break a smile while in here, but it was possible.
At the moment, I feel very content, with subtle feelings of relaxation and warmth. The warm feeling is great, and not sure where it comes from, but golly is it joyous. The feeling of being snuggled by a warm blanket held by a loved one on a cozy night.
I can hardly contain myself from producing all-caps letters spilling my love for everyone. Giggling in my cubicle may make me sound insane as well, especially while staring at a blank wall!! The image itself makes me laugh, a self fulfilling prophecy.
Hoho boy. I can't say for sure whether all of this is from the trials, but I know that a great portion of it is.
At night, though, it does die down, along with my energy. It becomes more of a difficulty to break a grin out than early morning or afternoon and is probably more detrimental - I become more aware of "forcing" the smile than anything. But I will continue it to the first dreams, until day 5, in which the real results will be shown.
Talk to you all soon,
Good luck, Have fun, Feel free to contact me!
Wednesday, March 14, 2012
Happy Trials: Day 1
Hello great friends and internet ninjas,
I am about half way through my first day of happy trials. So far it is very interesting indeed, but not as productive as I had hoped. I did not go into work today because I needed to go remove a ticket from my record (expired tabs, I'm a bad-ass).
During my trip to the court hearing office I was smiling most of the time and taking delight in the ride. The people on the bus were quite smiley too, as it is a beautiful day outside; sunny, warm, blue skies - lovely indeed. I couldn't help imagine what other people were thinking about as I saw their smiles come and go - who knows, maybe they were doing the same thing as I!
My attempts to see very small things, and take joy in the details is difficult for me. I'm not a very detailed person (except for my drawings), I'm more of an abstract-concept person, so taking joy in a small blade of grass just didn't seem like it was going to happen. However, long-ranging blue skies, birds chirping, and happy people sure set me up for an easy happy trial today!
As I entered the courthouse my spirits went null and I found it very difficult to find any pleasure in any of the people or the surroundings. People seemed to be frustrated, and my hearing officer did not want to make eye contact with me, which I thought was very odd indeed. I got my ticket dropped, though, but monetary gains aren't very invigorating to me - I'd rather have had the man shake my hand and give me a hug. It was definitely obvious, however, that blank walls, off-white buildings, and paved roads were very hard to appreciate for me. Perhaps I am too close to nature by nurture (see what I did there?) that I simply cannot take joy in cement and brick, or perhaps cement and pavement are inherently joyless, I have not pondered it and cannot say for certain. Needless to say, keeping a smile in an urban landscape with no friends, or actions to initiate it wasn't happening - but I was certainly not unhappy.
Coming home I decided to walk the 5 miles back. I enjoyed most of the way; I am a fan of graffiti and saw a very incredible placement of a "piece" get painted over (see: http://www.flickr.com/photos/59840111@N05/6980457713/in/photostream/lightbox/). I love graffiti, but the entire struggle of city versus vandal is incredibly interesting as well and personally believe it makes graffiti all the more worth while. But I digress - near to the graffiti is a large river, which I walked over, taking delight in the sun rays through the water. Seeing the bottom of the river bed was peculiar - I waited for a while to see if a fish would appear, but no such luck.
Coming home I have spent some time reading outside and bicycling around my neighborhood, nothing extraordinary and very little was needed to boost happiness. As I write this I can giggle a little - simply a small grin cascades into a large smile and a slight giggle escapes me.
The most interesting consequence so far, however, is whenever I think of any deep idea or philosophy, this topic of the happy trials manifests itself in my mind, and I find myself immediately smiling! An incredible delight to be reminded of over and over.
I have much, much more to do today and my update tomorrow will hopefully be just as, if not more, rewarding to you and me!
Good luck, have fun and feel free to contact me.
I am about half way through my first day of happy trials. So far it is very interesting indeed, but not as productive as I had hoped. I did not go into work today because I needed to go remove a ticket from my record (expired tabs, I'm a bad-ass).
During my trip to the court hearing office I was smiling most of the time and taking delight in the ride. The people on the bus were quite smiley too, as it is a beautiful day outside; sunny, warm, blue skies - lovely indeed. I couldn't help imagine what other people were thinking about as I saw their smiles come and go - who knows, maybe they were doing the same thing as I!
My attempts to see very small things, and take joy in the details is difficult for me. I'm not a very detailed person (except for my drawings), I'm more of an abstract-concept person, so taking joy in a small blade of grass just didn't seem like it was going to happen. However, long-ranging blue skies, birds chirping, and happy people sure set me up for an easy happy trial today!
As I entered the courthouse my spirits went null and I found it very difficult to find any pleasure in any of the people or the surroundings. People seemed to be frustrated, and my hearing officer did not want to make eye contact with me, which I thought was very odd indeed. I got my ticket dropped, though, but monetary gains aren't very invigorating to me - I'd rather have had the man shake my hand and give me a hug. It was definitely obvious, however, that blank walls, off-white buildings, and paved roads were very hard to appreciate for me. Perhaps I am too close to nature by nurture (see what I did there?) that I simply cannot take joy in cement and brick, or perhaps cement and pavement are inherently joyless, I have not pondered it and cannot say for certain. Needless to say, keeping a smile in an urban landscape with no friends, or actions to initiate it wasn't happening - but I was certainly not unhappy.
Coming home I decided to walk the 5 miles back. I enjoyed most of the way; I am a fan of graffiti and saw a very incredible placement of a "piece" get painted over (see: http://www.flickr.com/photos/59840111@N05/6980457713/in/photostream/lightbox/). I love graffiti, but the entire struggle of city versus vandal is incredibly interesting as well and personally believe it makes graffiti all the more worth while. But I digress - near to the graffiti is a large river, which I walked over, taking delight in the sun rays through the water. Seeing the bottom of the river bed was peculiar - I waited for a while to see if a fish would appear, but no such luck.
Coming home I have spent some time reading outside and bicycling around my neighborhood, nothing extraordinary and very little was needed to boost happiness. As I write this I can giggle a little - simply a small grin cascades into a large smile and a slight giggle escapes me.
The most interesting consequence so far, however, is whenever I think of any deep idea or philosophy, this topic of the happy trials manifests itself in my mind, and I find myself immediately smiling! An incredible delight to be reminded of over and over.
I have much, much more to do today and my update tomorrow will hopefully be just as, if not more, rewarding to you and me!
Good luck, have fun and feel free to contact me.
Tuesday, March 13, 2012
Newest Experiment: "The Happy Trials"
As I may have hinted, I enjoy psychological experimentation quite a bit. It is a learning event that really encompasses everything that we are. Learning how we think almost seems like a paradox at time - the mind examining the mind - but none-the-less it can be quite telling of who we are as a species, and as an entity.
I have done various experiments throughout the years, most concerning how I view things, and bettering myself, especially examining my abilities to over come obstacles (anxiety, depression, panic & fear - see http://learningasanart.blogspot.com/2012/03/psychology-of-panic-attacks.html for panic & anxiety, more to come on depression and fear later!).
This next one will not necessarily be for self-improvement but simply for the learning aspect. I will be waking up every day and purposefully putting a smile on my face. Although I dread the sound of my alarm, as soon as I wake, I will greet the day with a grin the size of a watermelon, dress myself with happy thoughts, and seize the day like nobodie's ever seized something before! The experiment will consist of 3-4 days of the wake-n-smile, a consistent thinking of good thoughts, and a general enjoyment of nearly every moment.
Some feedback I've gotten from another site has already proven true; the mind is a balancing act in some respects, and being happy 24/7 every waking moment of your life is arguably impossible, although being consitently content with yourself, I believe, is achievable. It is also difficult to make yourself happy - it seems counter intuitive; that happiness can just be synthesize by a smile and a good thought, but it is a very real possibility - try it right now, put a smile on your face! See? Makes you want to smile even more! The biggest problem I face is how I have already tied these ideas to smiling (doh!) now every time I smile I think about the counter-part which is self-defeating, but we will see how this goes.
The idea came to me the other day while I was at work. I was walking down the isle to my cubicle (I know... I know!) and I stared at my felt wall or whatever you'd like to call it - the fuzzy partitions. I don't very much care for them, but don't give them much thought. But something happened, randomly and I became very happy with this peice of melted and molded plastic that surrounded me. I felt very nice, very content. I wondered why, and if everything could be like this, could I enjoy anything I chose? Well of course, but somethings are harder then others (you won't catch me enjoying a baby seal hunt any time soon).
The very end result of this will be for a psychonautic analysis. Will being happy for an entire straight day increase my happiness in the coming days, or will it be a draining event? For the 3-4 day build up, it will ultimately be for the 5th day that I see whether the phrase "What goes up must come down" holds true for the mind's embrace on happiness.
Since this is a shorter post I will end it with a poem;
What goes up must come down,
And down may be a frown-
But eyes hold true,
To the upward blue,
And happiness can be held.
The open days,
Of love-filled rays,
That bask,
And bathe the skin;
Are true rewards,
Of realized lore,
And attempts to
Renew.
Have fun! Good luck! Feel free to contact me.
I have done various experiments throughout the years, most concerning how I view things, and bettering myself, especially examining my abilities to over come obstacles (anxiety, depression, panic & fear - see http://learningasanart.blogspot.com/2012/03/psychology-of-panic-attacks.html for panic & anxiety, more to come on depression and fear later!).
This next one will not necessarily be for self-improvement but simply for the learning aspect. I will be waking up every day and purposefully putting a smile on my face. Although I dread the sound of my alarm, as soon as I wake, I will greet the day with a grin the size of a watermelon, dress myself with happy thoughts, and seize the day like nobodie's ever seized something before! The experiment will consist of 3-4 days of the wake-n-smile, a consistent thinking of good thoughts, and a general enjoyment of nearly every moment.
Some feedback I've gotten from another site has already proven true; the mind is a balancing act in some respects, and being happy 24/7 every waking moment of your life is arguably impossible, although being consitently content with yourself, I believe, is achievable. It is also difficult to make yourself happy - it seems counter intuitive; that happiness can just be synthesize by a smile and a good thought, but it is a very real possibility - try it right now, put a smile on your face! See? Makes you want to smile even more! The biggest problem I face is how I have already tied these ideas to smiling (doh!) now every time I smile I think about the counter-part which is self-defeating, but we will see how this goes.
The idea came to me the other day while I was at work. I was walking down the isle to my cubicle (I know... I know!) and I stared at my felt wall or whatever you'd like to call it - the fuzzy partitions. I don't very much care for them, but don't give them much thought. But something happened, randomly and I became very happy with this peice of melted and molded plastic that surrounded me. I felt very nice, very content. I wondered why, and if everything could be like this, could I enjoy anything I chose? Well of course, but somethings are harder then others (you won't catch me enjoying a baby seal hunt any time soon).
The very end result of this will be for a psychonautic analysis. Will being happy for an entire straight day increase my happiness in the coming days, or will it be a draining event? For the 3-4 day build up, it will ultimately be for the 5th day that I see whether the phrase "What goes up must come down" holds true for the mind's embrace on happiness.
Since this is a shorter post I will end it with a poem;
What goes up must come down,
And down may be a frown-
But eyes hold true,
To the upward blue,
And happiness can be held.
The open days,
Of love-filled rays,
That bask,
And bathe the skin;
Are true rewards,
Of realized lore,
And attempts to
Renew.
Have fun! Good luck! Feel free to contact me.
Saturday, March 10, 2012
The psychology of panic attacks
Hellllllllllllllllooooooo!
Here I want to discuss what I believe to be the source, propagation and cure for panic attacks and anxiety in general.
Panic attacks often materialize from what we can only imagine as spontaneously. We are going to work, watching TV or getting ready for bed, and suddenly a wash of anxiety pours over us. We may even been talking to someone when suddenly panic is unavoidable. If you've ever experienced something like this, it may be due to what I call "seed notions".
These seed notions are simply small fragmented thoughts that pass by quickly through our minds. They are deeply embedded memories of ideas, subjects, or perspectives that are really not enjoyable. Such things may be from the nightly news (please - if you watch the nightly news, stop!) as there are often murders, shootings, killings, deaths, etc plastered all over the media. There is a good quote: "The nightly news is usually started by 'good evening' and followed by exactly why it isn't." These seed notions may also be from painful past experiences, such as car accidents, or other traumatic experiences, or, as in my case, they may simply be from depressing thoughts.
It isn't trivial to erase memories, and thus most of us will carry some throughout our entire lives which we have rather never gained. They are there, and repressing them is never a good idea. But here is my explanation on how they play a role in panic attacks and anxiety in general:
The brain is a funny thing. If something is wrong, but unidentifiable, it will SEARCH for something to pinpoint what is wrong. Seed notions are a source of this searching. Here is an example of what I'm talking about:
Perhaps you were talking to a friend, when they mentioned they bought a new car, and "car" is inevitably tied to your "car" accident you had 4 years ago that was traumatic. Yet the idea and memory of your car accident may have gone by so quick you did not notice while talking on the phone - the seed notion has cascaded a negative effect on the mind. It may take a few seconds, or perhaps a few minutes before the negativity is felt, but here your mind, unable to identify what exactly caused the negative idea, will begin to search for what is wrong. You will end your conversation with your friend, hang up, and suddenly notice you are feeling anxious - "But why?" In your mind's inability to pin point what is wrong, the negativity will amplify, and you will find yourself quickly becoming consumed by anxiety - But nothing is wrong!
For years I was plagued by this, and could never find a cure. I attempted to suppress and ignore the feeling, with little effect. I attempted to counteract it - by smiling and thinking of happy thoughts also with little effect. I attempted to "accept" and embrace the anxiety, with some effect, but still not what I would call a cure. Then suddenly I had a glimpse of it. I was riding on a bus, listening to a song on my iPod. The song was tied to an experience I had a few years ago that caused me great stress, but quickly the bus made a wrong turn and I became distracted. I forgot about the stressful incident and became fixated on my current predicament on the bus. The bus corrected itself (well, the driver did) and I sat back in my seat - but a great dealing of grief rushed over me. It took a few seconds before I could identify the problem, and hence my idea of seed notions was born.
Ever since that day, when a sense of panic comes over me, I take a step back and distance myself from the emotion. I retrace my mind's steps a few minutes back and see if anything I have thought of caused the anxiety - and with 100% accuracy I have found a seed notion.
What this does is it allows the mind to work efficiently in identifying the problem. Without knowing what is wrong, the mind will inevitably amplify a feeling of fear until the notion is resolved or we feel safe (Which, in the worst cases can end in the hospital!).
I suggest to you, too, that if you have anxiety or panic attacks, please practice this.
Here is another helpful tip to reduce the amount of anxiety in the day:
Take some time every day to worry about all of your unknowns and problems. Set aside 15 minutes each day to dwell on things. People in northern Europe centuries ago would do this. It was called the brooding time. The women of the household would stay at home for 30 minutes or an hour every day and simply "brood" - thinking about how awful things are or the how awful their lives are (SHEESH!) and then get on with things after that.
The mind must be balanced - if you do not do it yourself, consciously, there can be some nasty side-effects.
Have fun, good luck, and feel free to contact me!
Here I want to discuss what I believe to be the source, propagation and cure for panic attacks and anxiety in general.
Panic attacks often materialize from what we can only imagine as spontaneously. We are going to work, watching TV or getting ready for bed, and suddenly a wash of anxiety pours over us. We may even been talking to someone when suddenly panic is unavoidable. If you've ever experienced something like this, it may be due to what I call "seed notions".
These seed notions are simply small fragmented thoughts that pass by quickly through our minds. They are deeply embedded memories of ideas, subjects, or perspectives that are really not enjoyable. Such things may be from the nightly news (please - if you watch the nightly news, stop!) as there are often murders, shootings, killings, deaths, etc plastered all over the media. There is a good quote: "The nightly news is usually started by 'good evening' and followed by exactly why it isn't." These seed notions may also be from painful past experiences, such as car accidents, or other traumatic experiences, or, as in my case, they may simply be from depressing thoughts.
It isn't trivial to erase memories, and thus most of us will carry some throughout our entire lives which we have rather never gained. They are there, and repressing them is never a good idea. But here is my explanation on how they play a role in panic attacks and anxiety in general:
The brain is a funny thing. If something is wrong, but unidentifiable, it will SEARCH for something to pinpoint what is wrong. Seed notions are a source of this searching. Here is an example of what I'm talking about:
Perhaps you were talking to a friend, when they mentioned they bought a new car, and "car" is inevitably tied to your "car" accident you had 4 years ago that was traumatic. Yet the idea and memory of your car accident may have gone by so quick you did not notice while talking on the phone - the seed notion has cascaded a negative effect on the mind. It may take a few seconds, or perhaps a few minutes before the negativity is felt, but here your mind, unable to identify what exactly caused the negative idea, will begin to search for what is wrong. You will end your conversation with your friend, hang up, and suddenly notice you are feeling anxious - "But why?" In your mind's inability to pin point what is wrong, the negativity will amplify, and you will find yourself quickly becoming consumed by anxiety - But nothing is wrong!
For years I was plagued by this, and could never find a cure. I attempted to suppress and ignore the feeling, with little effect. I attempted to counteract it - by smiling and thinking of happy thoughts also with little effect. I attempted to "accept" and embrace the anxiety, with some effect, but still not what I would call a cure. Then suddenly I had a glimpse of it. I was riding on a bus, listening to a song on my iPod. The song was tied to an experience I had a few years ago that caused me great stress, but quickly the bus made a wrong turn and I became distracted. I forgot about the stressful incident and became fixated on my current predicament on the bus. The bus corrected itself (well, the driver did) and I sat back in my seat - but a great dealing of grief rushed over me. It took a few seconds before I could identify the problem, and hence my idea of seed notions was born.
Ever since that day, when a sense of panic comes over me, I take a step back and distance myself from the emotion. I retrace my mind's steps a few minutes back and see if anything I have thought of caused the anxiety - and with 100% accuracy I have found a seed notion.
What this does is it allows the mind to work efficiently in identifying the problem. Without knowing what is wrong, the mind will inevitably amplify a feeling of fear until the notion is resolved or we feel safe (Which, in the worst cases can end in the hospital!).
I suggest to you, too, that if you have anxiety or panic attacks, please practice this.
Here is another helpful tip to reduce the amount of anxiety in the day:
Take some time every day to worry about all of your unknowns and problems. Set aside 15 minutes each day to dwell on things. People in northern Europe centuries ago would do this. It was called the brooding time. The women of the household would stay at home for 30 minutes or an hour every day and simply "brood" - thinking about how awful things are or the how awful their lives are (SHEESH!) and then get on with things after that.
The mind must be balanced - if you do not do it yourself, consciously, there can be some nasty side-effects.
Have fun, good luck, and feel free to contact me!
Genesis
Hello!
Welcome to "Learning as an Art" - My name is Jonathan Helander and this will be my absolutely 100% first blog post ever.
First I want to get myself & you acquainted with my blog. I am a psychonaut; that is I study the consciousness and subconsciousness of my every day life to an extreme degree, hence I feel the need to spread the word onto you, as well as save it for myself. I am fully committed to understanding how we think, why we think, and what exactly we think about. Of course, I am not a psychiatrist, nor does my educational background disguise myself as one - I am a chemist by training with a B.S. in Chemistry. Yet my true curiosity resides with the workings of the mind.
Here is some background to give you an idea of how I cam to be who I am which inevitably is the reason why you are reading this!
As a young child I was very fond of nature. I would play from dawn till dusk in the woods adjacent to my house. If I didn't have friends to play with I would create my own games, and as every young child exhibits a great imagination, I was no different. However, residing behind my normal childhood there was an increasingly growing urge to understand why I existed. "Why am I here" is one of the age-old questions most of face at one point or another. In my elementary school days, specifically 3rd through 6th grade, I became unsettled by painful emotions, sadness, and became slumped into what I would call a melancholy. I struggled nearly every night to get to bed as a sadness of pain crept over me, but as time went by I realized that being sad accomplished nothing about the wrongs that I had experienced, nor those that I was aware of across the globe and my pessimism vanished to pacifism. I became neither euphoric nor depressed, but attempted to gain an omnipotent view of my reality and existence!
Entering High school I became more concerned with my present life, philosophy and existential questions went to the back burner and soon I found myself incredibly interested in psychology and more or less unrelated, physics and biology. The teachers I had during my H.S. days were incredible, they opened my eyes to what I had never realized before - they broke down walls in my understanding and were able to thrust me into a phase of absolute learning. I became enthralled by chemistry, biology, and mathematics and set to understand some of the harder principles of physics like quantum mechanics and relativity. But, in my Junior year of high school I was introduced to psychedelics, specifically Psilocybin. It would be an event that would change my life for the better, but would take years for the realizations to crystallize into some type of meaningful form - but it was exactly this day that eventually lead to what I now am so proud of; my ability to understand psychology and sociology.
It is a clever saying that "Curiosity killed the cat", and that is one of the phrases that would enter my mind on a fateful night filled with pretty colors, dancing images, and profound revelations within my head. However, it was incredibly horrifying. Absolute terror coursed through my head for a solid six hours of time as I thought I was leaving reality never to return. "I will never be able to function again" was a common thought - and dread ebbed and flowed. The night progressed, and as I became more sober from the experience I realized I would be alright, and that everything was going to be just fine, but most of all the epiphanies were here to stay.
My experience did not end there. For the intense stress that the psychoactive had put on my mind would be carried over to use of THC and even caffeine (more on this later). No longer could I enjoy a morning coffee without entering a cyclical though process of whether or not I was truly sane or if reality even existed. Where exactly was my consciousness, and how could it be altered to such an extreme degree?
For nearly 2 years I dealt with weekly or even daily panic attacks, depression and anxiety. During my times of peace and happiness, however, I was able to understand that these feelings were separate from 'me'. An incredibly hard idea to describe, but paramount in my ability to come out of the event with a positive outlook: These attacks of anxiety were not actually created by my consciousness, but were fragments of my experience. Essentially my mind had created a defense mechanism (somewhat self-defeating!) on nearly any psychoactive substance. If my mind were to be altered by nearly anything, I would be placed back in the exact same head space that brought me such great terror and grief!
Not one to throw in the towel and simply ask a Doc for some medication, I began reading. A book that perhaps saved my functioning life was "The Brain that Changes Itself." Although not extremely analytical nor academic - the book enlightened me. The brain is essentially "plastic" - that is malleable - to events in our life. We have the ability to radically change our brain's chemistry and its neuronal connections. What was once thought of to be fearful can be made into euphoria (one of the harder changes to the mind, of course!) and vice-versa. I began to study my panic attacks and my anxiety and realized such a great deal of information about how I function I believe it to be helpful for others, which will ultimately be the reason for my blog posts.
I am now 22 years old, and enjoy my life immensely. I have expanded my creative abilities, increased my enjoyment of life, and ultimately found my true calling; the mind. Learning, knowledge, and creativity are the ultimate paths to greatness.
Welcome to "Learning as an Art" - My name is Jonathan Helander and this will be my absolutely 100% first blog post ever.
First I want to get myself & you acquainted with my blog. I am a psychonaut; that is I study the consciousness and subconsciousness of my every day life to an extreme degree, hence I feel the need to spread the word onto you, as well as save it for myself. I am fully committed to understanding how we think, why we think, and what exactly we think about. Of course, I am not a psychiatrist, nor does my educational background disguise myself as one - I am a chemist by training with a B.S. in Chemistry. Yet my true curiosity resides with the workings of the mind.
Here is some background to give you an idea of how I cam to be who I am which inevitably is the reason why you are reading this!
As a young child I was very fond of nature. I would play from dawn till dusk in the woods adjacent to my house. If I didn't have friends to play with I would create my own games, and as every young child exhibits a great imagination, I was no different. However, residing behind my normal childhood there was an increasingly growing urge to understand why I existed. "Why am I here" is one of the age-old questions most of face at one point or another. In my elementary school days, specifically 3rd through 6th grade, I became unsettled by painful emotions, sadness, and became slumped into what I would call a melancholy. I struggled nearly every night to get to bed as a sadness of pain crept over me, but as time went by I realized that being sad accomplished nothing about the wrongs that I had experienced, nor those that I was aware of across the globe and my pessimism vanished to pacifism. I became neither euphoric nor depressed, but attempted to gain an omnipotent view of my reality and existence!
Entering High school I became more concerned with my present life, philosophy and existential questions went to the back burner and soon I found myself incredibly interested in psychology and more or less unrelated, physics and biology. The teachers I had during my H.S. days were incredible, they opened my eyes to what I had never realized before - they broke down walls in my understanding and were able to thrust me into a phase of absolute learning. I became enthralled by chemistry, biology, and mathematics and set to understand some of the harder principles of physics like quantum mechanics and relativity. But, in my Junior year of high school I was introduced to psychedelics, specifically Psilocybin. It would be an event that would change my life for the better, but would take years for the realizations to crystallize into some type of meaningful form - but it was exactly this day that eventually lead to what I now am so proud of; my ability to understand psychology and sociology.
It is a clever saying that "Curiosity killed the cat", and that is one of the phrases that would enter my mind on a fateful night filled with pretty colors, dancing images, and profound revelations within my head. However, it was incredibly horrifying. Absolute terror coursed through my head for a solid six hours of time as I thought I was leaving reality never to return. "I will never be able to function again" was a common thought - and dread ebbed and flowed. The night progressed, and as I became more sober from the experience I realized I would be alright, and that everything was going to be just fine, but most of all the epiphanies were here to stay.
My experience did not end there. For the intense stress that the psychoactive had put on my mind would be carried over to use of THC and even caffeine (more on this later). No longer could I enjoy a morning coffee without entering a cyclical though process of whether or not I was truly sane or if reality even existed. Where exactly was my consciousness, and how could it be altered to such an extreme degree?
For nearly 2 years I dealt with weekly or even daily panic attacks, depression and anxiety. During my times of peace and happiness, however, I was able to understand that these feelings were separate from 'me'. An incredibly hard idea to describe, but paramount in my ability to come out of the event with a positive outlook: These attacks of anxiety were not actually created by my consciousness, but were fragments of my experience. Essentially my mind had created a defense mechanism (somewhat self-defeating!) on nearly any psychoactive substance. If my mind were to be altered by nearly anything, I would be placed back in the exact same head space that brought me such great terror and grief!
Not one to throw in the towel and simply ask a Doc for some medication, I began reading. A book that perhaps saved my functioning life was "The Brain that Changes Itself." Although not extremely analytical nor academic - the book enlightened me. The brain is essentially "plastic" - that is malleable - to events in our life. We have the ability to radically change our brain's chemistry and its neuronal connections. What was once thought of to be fearful can be made into euphoria (one of the harder changes to the mind, of course!) and vice-versa. I began to study my panic attacks and my anxiety and realized such a great deal of information about how I function I believe it to be helpful for others, which will ultimately be the reason for my blog posts.
I am now 22 years old, and enjoy my life immensely. I have expanded my creative abilities, increased my enjoyment of life, and ultimately found my true calling; the mind. Learning, knowledge, and creativity are the ultimate paths to greatness.
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