The Urban Shaman

I'm a shaman. I'm not afraid to say that, for any of the various reasons one could be.

I've tripped only a handful of times and have really learned little after my first experience, but I have learned. The first experience was as much of a opening of new doors as would be getting sucked through a high pressure hole inside out. It was not comforting :).

But what I have learned was incredibly valuable. On my way down to the darkest abyss one can experience, I climbed my way to the top again. Remembering every foot hold and pathway I took. I've been able to go back and forth from complete desolation of the soul and mind, to euphoria, and with such an ability have used to to "save" some people. I've had a handful of people email me, responding to various messages, about the words I've put out, that "saved their life".

Due to the fact that this happens, and probably will continue to happen, I never outright condone the use of psychedelics. I know their intensity, and I know the fragility of some perspectives of reality, and mixing the two can have catastrophic effects. People must show a great deal of understanding, education, and self-improvement, which is incredibly important when dealing with these substances - with an intent of spirituality, or at least something beyond "Getting high" and laughing at colors.

I've been able to help only because I have been there. I know the steps one needs to take, rather than the leaps that one wants to take (or others impose). The road from an intense, bad trip, can be a terrifying experience, with a rewarding ending.

Beyond that, however, I have realized a special ability that comes and goes - the ability to see sickness. While I was on a very low dose of ayahuasca I was able to see what was ailing people. For weeks after wards my ability to give back massages was incredibly rewarding, and actually very psychologically stimulating (as I could literally "See" the pain).

This ability to see sickness, is what I believe a true shaman holds. It is a learned trait, not something born into. It is not genetic (I don't think), so I'd hope others may be able to gain this as well.

Shamans of the brazilian rainforest are known for their ability to "see" parasites and sickness long before the conscious mind sees symptoms. Often times, weeks before one would normally go into the hospital. This is not some magical trait, or some divine information - this is simply an extremely acute sense of non-verbal communication. Our brains are extremely similar across the globe, the make up, the neurology, even the psychology - we all have very relate able (conserved) portions of the brain. A shaman knows these like the back of his or her hand, and can see when these portions are acting odd.

The stomach may seem loose, the eyes may be slightly drooped. The shoulders sunken, and heavy. The steps may be rigid, or unbalanced. Our minds adapt quickly to pain & suffering, so many times we may not even know we are in pain at all! Yet to the trained eye, all ailments become highlighted like neon-signs. Curing, is something I do not understand, and have much to learn about. Much has to do with placebo (sorry, I'd like another word) and much has to do with things beyond my understanding. Often the shaman will go into the forest, and plants will "speak" to him or her, presenting themselves for the healing process. Here the shaman takes plants which he knows to be familiar, but really has no understanding of medicinal action, and cures.

I hope to one day obtain this kind of hospitality, this ability to heal, cure, and help beyond some internet-arm-chair-psychology.

2 Weeks of happy trials

Well Hello!

After completing 14 days of the happy trials I am glad to say this really does work. The effects are subtle, but over all I have gained positively from the experiment. The breakdown of what I did:

Every day when I woke up I would smile. With 2 days of exception, this would give me great joy and I would be happy for at least an hour without trying. As I drove to work, prepared the day, or arrived at work, things just seemed more beautiful, more captivating.

Nearly every day I went outside I was awe-struck at the beauty of the sky (even cloudy days!) and found myself nearly mystified by my surroundings. Some days I continued the smiling throughout the day, and would usually giggle or laugh a little to myself at how great I felt, and often, too! This caused me to be even more happy, and just was wonderful. Enjoying an hour or so of utter content with myself and where I was.

A few days I did not attempt to be happy on purpose but found it was nearly unavoidable. Friends seemed funnier, events seemed more intense/exciting. Dancing was easier, talking was smooth, there were no negative affects.

The two of the 14 days however, I got little or very bad sleep. I woke up and attempted to smile but it did nothing, no goodness came out of it, and merely felt like muscles in my mouth were moving (that was the extent). But these were towards the beginning of the experiment.

Today, I am not trying to be happy, but as soon as I think of any emotion, I trigger a memory of this study and all the happiness and joy attributed to it, and I cannot help but smile!

What a great day. I love everything :)

Newest Experiment: "The Happy Trials"

As I may have hinted, I enjoy psychological experimentation quite a bit. It is a learning event that really encompasses everything that we are. Learning how we think almost seems like a paradox at time - the mind examining the mind - but none-the-less it can be quite telling of who we are as a species, and as an entity.

I have done various experiments throughout the years, most concerning how I view things, and bettering myself, especially examining my abilities to over come obstacles (anxiety, depression, panic & fear - see http://learningasanart.blogspot.com/2012/03/psychology-of-panic-attacks.html for panic & anxiety, more to come on depression and fear later!).

This next one will not necessarily be for self-improvement but simply for the learning aspect. I will be waking up every day and purposefully putting a smile on my face. Although I dread the sound of my alarm, as soon as I wake, I will greet the day with a grin the size of a watermelon, dress myself with happy thoughts, and seize the day like nobodie's ever seized something before! The experiment will consist of 3-4 days of the wake-n-smile, a consistent thinking of good thoughts, and a general enjoyment of nearly every moment.

Some feedback I've gotten from another site has already proven true; the mind is a balancing act in some respects, and being happy 24/7 every waking moment of your life is arguably impossible, although being consitently content with yourself, I believe, is achievable. It is also difficult to make yourself happy - it seems counter intuitive; that happiness can just be synthesize by a smile and a good thought, but it is a very real possibility - try it right now, put a smile on your face! See? Makes you want to smile even more! The biggest problem I face is how I have already tied these ideas to smiling (doh!) now every time I smile I think about the counter-part which is self-defeating, but we will see how this goes.

The idea came to me the other day while I was at work. I was walking down the isle to my cubicle (I know... I know!) and I stared at my felt wall or whatever you'd like to call it - the fuzzy partitions. I don't very much care for them, but don't give them much thought. But something happened, randomly and I became very happy with this peice of melted and molded plastic that surrounded me. I felt very nice, very content. I wondered why, and if everything could be like this, could I enjoy anything I chose? Well of course, but somethings are harder then others (you won't catch me enjoying a baby seal hunt any time soon).

The very end result of this will be for a psychonautic analysis. Will being happy for an entire straight day increase my happiness in the coming days, or will it be a draining event? For the 3-4 day build up, it will ultimately be for the 5th day that I see whether the phrase "What goes up must come down" holds true for the mind's embrace on happiness.

Since this is a shorter post I will end it with a poem;

What goes up must come down,
And down may be a frown-
But eyes hold true,
To the upward blue,
And happiness can be held.

The open days,
Of love-filled rays,
That bask,
And bathe the skin;

Are true rewards,
Of realized lore,
And attempts to
Renew.

Have fun! Good luck! Feel free to contact me.

The psychology of panic attacks

Hellllllllllllllllooooooo!

Here I want to discuss what I believe to be the source, propagation and cure for panic attacks and anxiety in general.

Panic attacks often materialize from what we can only imagine as spontaneously. We are going to work, watching TV or getting ready for bed, and suddenly a wash of anxiety pours over us. We may even been talking to someone when suddenly panic is unavoidable. If you've ever experienced something like this, it may be due to what I call "seed notions".

These seed notions are simply small fragmented thoughts that pass by quickly through our minds. They are deeply embedded memories of ideas, subjects, or perspectives that are really not enjoyable. Such things may be from the nightly news (please - if you watch the nightly news, stop!) as there are often murders, shootings, killings, deaths, etc plastered all over the media. There is a good quote: "The nightly news is usually started by 'good evening' and followed by exactly why it isn't." These seed notions may also be from painful past experiences, such as car accidents, or other traumatic experiences, or, as in my case, they may simply be from depressing thoughts.

It isn't trivial to erase memories, and thus most of us will carry some throughout our entire lives which we have rather never gained. They are there, and repressing them is never a good idea. But here is my explanation on how they play a role in panic attacks and anxiety in general:

The brain is a funny thing. If something is wrong, but unidentifiable, it will SEARCH for something to pinpoint what is wrong. Seed notions are a source of this searching. Here is an example of what I'm talking about:

Perhaps you were talking to a friend, when they mentioned they bought a new car, and "car" is inevitably tied to your "car" accident you had 4 years ago that was traumatic. Yet the idea and memory of your car accident may have gone by so quick you did not notice while talking on the phone - the seed notion has cascaded a negative effect on the mind. It may take a few seconds, or perhaps a few minutes before the negativity is felt, but here your mind, unable to identify what exactly caused the negative idea, will begin to search for what is wrong. You will end your conversation with your friend, hang up, and suddenly notice you are feeling anxious - "But why?" In your mind's inability to pin point what is wrong, the negativity will amplify, and you will find yourself quickly becoming consumed by anxiety - But nothing is wrong!

For years I was plagued by this, and could never find a cure. I attempted to suppress and ignore the feeling, with little effect. I attempted to counteract it - by smiling and thinking of happy thoughts also with little effect. I attempted to "accept" and embrace the anxiety, with some effect, but still not what I would call a cure. Then suddenly I had a glimpse of it. I was riding on a bus, listening to a song on my iPod. The song was tied to an experience I had a few years ago that caused me great stress, but quickly the bus made a wrong turn and I became distracted. I forgot about the stressful incident and became fixated on my current predicament on the bus. The bus corrected itself (well, the driver did) and I sat back in my seat - but a great dealing of grief rushed over me. It took a few seconds before I could identify the problem, and hence my idea of seed notions was born.

Ever since that day, when a sense of panic comes over me, I take a step back and distance myself from the emotion. I retrace my mind's steps a few minutes back and see if anything I have thought of caused the anxiety - and with 100% accuracy I have found a seed notion.

What this does is it allows the mind to work efficiently in identifying the problem. Without knowing what is wrong, the mind will inevitably amplify a feeling of fear until the notion is resolved or we feel safe (Which, in the worst cases can end in the hospital!).

I suggest to you, too, that if you have anxiety or panic attacks, please practice this.

Here is another helpful tip to reduce the amount of anxiety in the day:

Take some time every day to worry about all of your unknowns and problems. Set aside 15 minutes each day to dwell on things. People in northern Europe centuries ago would do this. It was called the brooding time. The women of the household would stay at home for 30 minutes or an hour every day and simply "brood" - thinking about how awful things are or the how awful their lives are (SHEESH!) and then get on with things after that.

The mind must be balanced - if you do not do it yourself, consciously, there can be some nasty side-effects.

Have fun, good luck, and feel free to contact me!