How many thoughts are you made up of?

Hey learners.

I've found this topic to be extremely interesting. How many thoughts do you think you have a day? Different thoughts, about different things? Probably thousands, right? We wonder about all kinds of things, from the present to the past to the future, constantly questioning.

These questions often bring anxiety, depression, or feelings of victimization "Why does this always happen to me!" Well it doesn't really, although your mind constructs it in such a way as though it seems to be that way.

But that isn't what this post is about. What I'm going to get into here is we're actually really only a few core thoughts. A handful of thoughts govern all our questions. I will use the following image as an example of what I mean:

[Sorry for the crudeness, I made this in paint in about 25 seconds]

My thinking is, is that all of our thoughts actually stem from actions we have in the world, and then digress into a major "branch" of our logic tree. I personally do not know what the major branch point is, or whether there are many individual trees, so this is just an example. The reason I bring this post up is because although I have found that often, an individual is very complex, my own though structures are incredibly basic, when viewed from this perspective. I often think of only a few things in my life:

1. Questions of personal life; Am I happy? Am I being fulfilled? Am I making others happy?

2. More existential questions, such as; What is "God"? What is consciousness? What is reality? Am I sane? (Hehe)

3. Technical questions; What career do I want? What should I learn today/tomorrow? What is beneficial for me to read?

4. Anxious questions: Does this person like me? Is this alright to wear? Why don't I talk more? Why can't I be like him/her?

The questions of type 1 all fit under the question of "Who am I?", much like the picture above, while numbers 2-4 would probably fit under another thought-tree.

So, what good is knowing this? To be honest I've really not the slightest clue yet! But, I will be back with more. I hope you can relate, and feel free to let me know your thoughts if you agree or disagree.

The Urban Shaman

I'm a shaman. I'm not afraid to say that, for any of the various reasons one could be.

I've tripped only a handful of times and have really learned little after my first experience, but I have learned. The first experience was as much of a opening of new doors as would be getting sucked through a high pressure hole inside out. It was not comforting :).

But what I have learned was incredibly valuable. On my way down to the darkest abyss one can experience, I climbed my way to the top again. Remembering every foot hold and pathway I took. I've been able to go back and forth from complete desolation of the soul and mind, to euphoria, and with such an ability have used to to "save" some people. I've had a handful of people email me, responding to various messages, about the words I've put out, that "saved their life".

Due to the fact that this happens, and probably will continue to happen, I never outright condone the use of psychedelics. I know their intensity, and I know the fragility of some perspectives of reality, and mixing the two can have catastrophic effects. People must show a great deal of understanding, education, and self-improvement, which is incredibly important when dealing with these substances - with an intent of spirituality, or at least something beyond "Getting high" and laughing at colors.

I've been able to help only because I have been there. I know the steps one needs to take, rather than the leaps that one wants to take (or others impose). The road from an intense, bad trip, can be a terrifying experience, with a rewarding ending.

Beyond that, however, I have realized a special ability that comes and goes - the ability to see sickness. While I was on a very low dose of ayahuasca I was able to see what was ailing people. For weeks after wards my ability to give back massages was incredibly rewarding, and actually very psychologically stimulating (as I could literally "See" the pain).

This ability to see sickness, is what I believe a true shaman holds. It is a learned trait, not something born into. It is not genetic (I don't think), so I'd hope others may be able to gain this as well.

Shamans of the brazilian rainforest are known for their ability to "see" parasites and sickness long before the conscious mind sees symptoms. Often times, weeks before one would normally go into the hospital. This is not some magical trait, or some divine information - this is simply an extremely acute sense of non-verbal communication. Our brains are extremely similar across the globe, the make up, the neurology, even the psychology - we all have very relate able (conserved) portions of the brain. A shaman knows these like the back of his or her hand, and can see when these portions are acting odd.

The stomach may seem loose, the eyes may be slightly drooped. The shoulders sunken, and heavy. The steps may be rigid, or unbalanced. Our minds adapt quickly to pain & suffering, so many times we may not even know we are in pain at all! Yet to the trained eye, all ailments become highlighted like neon-signs. Curing, is something I do not understand, and have much to learn about. Much has to do with placebo (sorry, I'd like another word) and much has to do with things beyond my understanding. Often the shaman will go into the forest, and plants will "speak" to him or her, presenting themselves for the healing process. Here the shaman takes plants which he knows to be familiar, but really has no understanding of medicinal action, and cures.

I hope to one day obtain this kind of hospitality, this ability to heal, cure, and help beyond some internet-arm-chair-psychology.

2 Weeks of happy trials

Well Hello!

After completing 14 days of the happy trials I am glad to say this really does work. The effects are subtle, but over all I have gained positively from the experiment. The breakdown of what I did:

Every day when I woke up I would smile. With 2 days of exception, this would give me great joy and I would be happy for at least an hour without trying. As I drove to work, prepared the day, or arrived at work, things just seemed more beautiful, more captivating.

Nearly every day I went outside I was awe-struck at the beauty of the sky (even cloudy days!) and found myself nearly mystified by my surroundings. Some days I continued the smiling throughout the day, and would usually giggle or laugh a little to myself at how great I felt, and often, too! This caused me to be even more happy, and just was wonderful. Enjoying an hour or so of utter content with myself and where I was.

A few days I did not attempt to be happy on purpose but found it was nearly unavoidable. Friends seemed funnier, events seemed more intense/exciting. Dancing was easier, talking was smooth, there were no negative affects.

The two of the 14 days however, I got little or very bad sleep. I woke up and attempted to smile but it did nothing, no goodness came out of it, and merely felt like muscles in my mouth were moving (that was the extent). But these were towards the beginning of the experiment.

Today, I am not trying to be happy, but as soon as I think of any emotion, I trigger a memory of this study and all the happiness and joy attributed to it, and I cannot help but smile!

What a great day. I love everything :)

Happy Trials, Day 3, 4 & 5

Heya - Sorry for slow update, I was with family.

Day 3-

I slept very little this night, and found sleep to be a crucial component of the happiness trials. I woke in a groggy, foggy mess and attempting my morning smile was met by conscious sarcasm. It took very much forcing to get the smile on my face. On my daily route to work I kept trying to remain positive, but the tiredness was over powering, and the grin would fade within a few seconds and I would find myself blankly staring at the road. During the work day I felt as if I perhaps had pushed myself too far the day before, and that this was in fact a by product of too much happiness. I decided, however, that it wasn't and was simply due to my lack of sleep. The day went very slowly, and little was to be celebrated. It seems it rubbed off on my boss as well, and we both had a somewhat unproductive and uninteresting day. Finally, coming home I was able to crank out a bit more euphoria. I had a solid few minutes of warmth and happiness, but quickly found my pillow to start the next day.

Day 4- Not motivated in the least. Although I slept much better, I felt again as if I may be forcing this too much. As the day progressed, I did find myself receiving small artifacts from my experiment. Whenever I thought of ANYTHING about negative or positive emotion, my mind quickly remembered the trials and I found myself smiling and enjoying the positive feedback I had created. "Maybe there is something to this after all!" ran across my mind many times. Although not blissfully or euphorically manic, I was most certainly rewarded by my new found experience perhaps hourly. Over all I had benefited on this day, but still found the general happiness in all things to be a bit forced.

Day 5- Artifacts of the experiment continue to stream in during my daily life. I was driving and thought of a depressing scenario (can't remember what) but instantly the thought of something sad made me consider other thoughts to make me happy. I found that it was incredibly easy to transition myself from a bad mood or sad thoughts into a good general well-being. During the day I had often forgot about the experiment and was more focused on being with friends and family, and am planning to continue this experiment through this coming week.

I will update again on the happy trials one week from today, with some other posts to come in between.

Good luck, have fun, and feel free to contact me!

The psychology of panic attacks

Hellllllllllllllllooooooo!

Here I want to discuss what I believe to be the source, propagation and cure for panic attacks and anxiety in general.

Panic attacks often materialize from what we can only imagine as spontaneously. We are going to work, watching TV or getting ready for bed, and suddenly a wash of anxiety pours over us. We may even been talking to someone when suddenly panic is unavoidable. If you've ever experienced something like this, it may be due to what I call "seed notions".

These seed notions are simply small fragmented thoughts that pass by quickly through our minds. They are deeply embedded memories of ideas, subjects, or perspectives that are really not enjoyable. Such things may be from the nightly news (please - if you watch the nightly news, stop!) as there are often murders, shootings, killings, deaths, etc plastered all over the media. There is a good quote: "The nightly news is usually started by 'good evening' and followed by exactly why it isn't." These seed notions may also be from painful past experiences, such as car accidents, or other traumatic experiences, or, as in my case, they may simply be from depressing thoughts.

It isn't trivial to erase memories, and thus most of us will carry some throughout our entire lives which we have rather never gained. They are there, and repressing them is never a good idea. But here is my explanation on how they play a role in panic attacks and anxiety in general:

The brain is a funny thing. If something is wrong, but unidentifiable, it will SEARCH for something to pinpoint what is wrong. Seed notions are a source of this searching. Here is an example of what I'm talking about:

Perhaps you were talking to a friend, when they mentioned they bought a new car, and "car" is inevitably tied to your "car" accident you had 4 years ago that was traumatic. Yet the idea and memory of your car accident may have gone by so quick you did not notice while talking on the phone - the seed notion has cascaded a negative effect on the mind. It may take a few seconds, or perhaps a few minutes before the negativity is felt, but here your mind, unable to identify what exactly caused the negative idea, will begin to search for what is wrong. You will end your conversation with your friend, hang up, and suddenly notice you are feeling anxious - "But why?" In your mind's inability to pin point what is wrong, the negativity will amplify, and you will find yourself quickly becoming consumed by anxiety - But nothing is wrong!

For years I was plagued by this, and could never find a cure. I attempted to suppress and ignore the feeling, with little effect. I attempted to counteract it - by smiling and thinking of happy thoughts also with little effect. I attempted to "accept" and embrace the anxiety, with some effect, but still not what I would call a cure. Then suddenly I had a glimpse of it. I was riding on a bus, listening to a song on my iPod. The song was tied to an experience I had a few years ago that caused me great stress, but quickly the bus made a wrong turn and I became distracted. I forgot about the stressful incident and became fixated on my current predicament on the bus. The bus corrected itself (well, the driver did) and I sat back in my seat - but a great dealing of grief rushed over me. It took a few seconds before I could identify the problem, and hence my idea of seed notions was born.

Ever since that day, when a sense of panic comes over me, I take a step back and distance myself from the emotion. I retrace my mind's steps a few minutes back and see if anything I have thought of caused the anxiety - and with 100% accuracy I have found a seed notion.

What this does is it allows the mind to work efficiently in identifying the problem. Without knowing what is wrong, the mind will inevitably amplify a feeling of fear until the notion is resolved or we feel safe (Which, in the worst cases can end in the hospital!).

I suggest to you, too, that if you have anxiety or panic attacks, please practice this.

Here is another helpful tip to reduce the amount of anxiety in the day:

Take some time every day to worry about all of your unknowns and problems. Set aside 15 minutes each day to dwell on things. People in northern Europe centuries ago would do this. It was called the brooding time. The women of the household would stay at home for 30 minutes or an hour every day and simply "brood" - thinking about how awful things are or the how awful their lives are (SHEESH!) and then get on with things after that.

The mind must be balanced - if you do not do it yourself, consciously, there can be some nasty side-effects.

Have fun, good luck, and feel free to contact me!